Heartache to Healing Grief Support

Grief Does Happen On The Job

Bereavement in the Workplace

Death of a loved one, serious illness and even divorce are all losses where we experience feelings of grief,  affecting  millions of people every year.  When you consider how frequently people who work may be affected by a family death or divorce, we begin to understand the magnitude of grief in the workplace. The majority of employees with benefits find their company does have a bereavement policy which is tied to the standard Family Medical Leave Act ( FMLA) policy allowing approximately three days leave.  As those of us who have experienced the death of a loved one know, the grieving just begins following a death and can affect us for many months following this is why grief happens in the workplace.

Hidden grief costs U.S. companies more than $75 billion annually {Tweet This}

According to The Grief Recovery Institute (www.grief-recovery.com), a nonprofit educational foundation who reported this starting finding in their 2003 report “The Hidden Annual Costs of Grief in America’s Workplace.”  The report goes into detailed statistics on how employees decision making skills are fair to poor in the weeks and months that follow the loss.  So the conclusion is clear that when we are grieving our emotional behavior can be compromised.  I believe in empowering employers and employees alike on what to expect and how to handle their own grief and that of co-workers.

Most people are uncomfortable around death, don’t know what to say or do.

This is what often occurs in our society, we don’t freely share our grief experience as it tests our vulnerability and our limited ability to help ourselves and others.  This cam also mean many grieve alone due to lack of support in the workplace.  Educating people on what to say and what not to say can mean the difference in getting support from your work peers.

Workplace wellness programs are starting to address grief with employees.

Recently I provided a workshop on “Bereavement In The Workplace” to a local city government through their wellness program.  They were proactive in presenting information to employees as they had seen an increase in employee serious illness and deaths both of employees and family members.  I provided some helpful information which included;

• Myths about grief
• Your emotions & grief
• Why you need to mourn and grieve
• Understanding grief & the affects in the workplace
• Recognizing the impact on the entire workplace
• How to acknowledge a loss at work
• Suggestions on what to say & what not to say when a co-worker dies
• Suggestion on what to do when a colleague has a death in their family

I respect companies that are exhibiting compassion and caring when employees experience loss, I believe these companies will win with more loyalty and good will in return from employees who believe their employer cares.

What has been your experience after returning to work following a significant death?  How were you treated by the employer and your peers?  Would love to hear your comments below;

If your company is interested in a workshop on Bereavement in the Workplace, please contact JoAnne@heartachetohealing.com

Once again here in the US we are faced with grief from a horrible tragedy with the bombing at the Boston Marathon.  What we have viewed on TV is reminiscent of what we have viewed from war scenes.

The grief over the sudden deaths and injuries will make people pause and wonder if they are safe?  Is their city safe and are their children safe.  We are all experiencing the shock, anger and sadness which are all typical reactions of grief.

How do we talk to our children about what’s happened?

We should talk to our kids honestly and only as candidly as you think they can handle.  Turn off the TV, kids don’t need to see the scenes played over and over again.  Reassure kids that they are safe with you and perhaps stay away from public activities that will have heightened security for awhile.

Mourning As a Nation

In tragedies such as this we mourn as a nation, we feel the pain and sorrow right along with the families that have lost their loved ones.  Grief is universal, grief is personal and grief has a name and a story.  So as the days go on we will learn more about the victims, their stories of how they happened to be on that street and and how their families lives are forever changed.  Next will come the funerals and we will collectively mourn, but we also collectively send our love and prayers and that is a powerful healer.

Article by Scott Marracino

As we move further into 2013 I still cannot help but think back on 2012. Certain years probably spark different emotions in people. For me, 2012 revolved around overcoming the grief that 2011 brought. I’ve heard people describe dealing with grief as a “journey” and the last two years have felt just like that.

In January 2011, my grandfather passed away. He was my closest friend and even though I had experienced loss before, this one was the most difficult. He was my best friend as well as a grandparent. His personality rubbed off onto me and I began to see myself as almost an extension of him. I valued his company so much when I was away at college I would call him just about every other day. After his passing, the rest of 2011 was spent dealing with the first holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries that were spent without him. I had a hollow feeling in my stomach for most of that year and I recall Christmas and New Year’s to be particularly tough.

2012 brought some changes and I slowly began to gain some more strength. I became more involved in my graduate school program and began to build toward a career. In February, some inspiration hit and I started writing. I was able to get an article published in a local paper and I continue to try my hand at it. I also joined a support that meets once a week. Working on these goals and activities helped to ease some of the hurt feelings. In that time, I went from experiencing despair to a much less dejected mood. However, there was still a slight sinking feeling in my gut that I carried around with me. Not that I wanted to – it was just there.

Fortunately, something I did at the end of 2012 broke me from that feeling. This past November, I decided to take a solo out of town trip for the first time since my grandfather’s death. I was going to visit my friend in Boston the weekend before Thanksgiving. That was the kind of thing my grandfather would like to talk about when I returned. There would be no such opportunity this time, which had me wondering. How will I feel? Will I be able to enjoy myself? Will there be an empty feeling when I come back? I needed some good luck, so I decided to pack my grandfather’s hat in my travel bag right before I left. I had rarely worn his hat and this was really a last minute idea.

photos.com

I hear from many people via this website at all stages of their grief journey. Some are stuck in their grief and often find this as a way to stay connected to their loved one who has passed.  Staying stuck in grief can be an avoidance for moving on with your life even if you feel guilt for living life when your loved one has died.

I often pose the question, “Would your loved one want you to go on  and have a happy, fulfilled life?

Recently I saw an interview of Nate Berkus, the decorating expert. His newest book called “The Things That Matter”   is about decorating but it is also touches on the intimate story of his life including the loss of his partner in the 2004 Tsunami. “Grief is an intensely personal process. Its timeline is not linear; it’s more like a roller coaster said Berkus.” A description we all can relate to! But what inspired me about this interview was how he vividly recalled the day of his tragic loss but how he decided to not let the loss define his life or stop him from living out the rest of his life.

How do we keep memories alive and continue to live life?

Finding things that matter

Finding joy and happiness is something we all choose even when sad things happen we must realize this is not a punishment and that no matter what we will be ok – only if we decide.

We can keep things that have meaning and remind us of our loved ones who have passed at the same time as we continue to live out life. “You can stay stuck in grief or decide to loudly live your life because staying stuck is two tragedies, said Berkus”   My home is not a shrine to the past, but rather it is filled with treasured items of things that matter from the past and I will add to the things I love as I move forward with life.

How will you get on with the business of living your life?  I’d love to hear your comments below.

“Death is a reminder to turn up the volume of your life.” – Oprah {Tweet this}

Read Nate’s article, “Tsunami Taught Important Lessons About Grief And Loss”

Often with grief comes hopelessness, perhaps with your loss comes additional losses such as loss of income both current and future, loss of support, loss of a co-parent – and this can cause that ripple effect of not feeling very hopeful or optimistic about the future.

As I acknowledge your feelings I also want you to know that in fact there is hope and things to be optimistic about in the future even thought they may not be apparent to you now.  When our loved ones die we don’t have to let our life of dreams die with them.  In fact, I have been involved in many support groups and when I ask someone who is grieving if their loved one wanted them to be happy and to go on and live a full life the reply is always “YES, they would want that for me.”

As we journey through our feelings of grief, once in a while remind yourself about what your departed loved one would want for you and then I challenge you to take one step at a time to getting back into a schedule of living life.  Here are a few tips;

1.  Write a list of 10 things that you love, things that make your heart sing (don’t over think this task, just write)

2. Take ONE thing from your list of 10 and intentionally do it!  Example; So you love art, commit to spending one Sunday afternoon at your local art museum

3.  Begin to get social.  Example; Call a friend or family member to join you for lunch or a movie and allow yourself some fun.

4.  Ask for help!  Okay, we all need help from time to time. So whether it is emotional or physical support, write a list of ways you’d like support and this coming week as one person for their help or support.

5. What would you do if no one or nothing were standing in your way?  No buts, or excuses here – just name it.  The idea is to start thinking again that anything is possible if we open ourselves to the possibility.