As I mark another anniversary of my husband Allan’s death, it always brings up so many emotions about our past and what our future may have been. People have asked me over the years if I have “gotten over” his death. I am quick to share that I will never get over the loss, but I have reconciled myself to it.
That said, you probably wonder if I have been able to move forward with my life and how it’s even possible to do so? The simple answer is YES! I did find hope through my grief and I did move forward with my life without my dear husband. Was it easy? Absolutely not! I took one day at a time which turned into weeks, months and now years.
Dealing With The Loss Of A Spouse
I learned to ask for help because it didn’t take too long for me to figure out I couldn’t possibly assume all the tasks my husband performed let alone my own. In my case, my husband and I owned a business together and therefore I not only had to assume his role in the company but I also assumed his responsibilities at home.
Some days I sat and cried over how I would get everything done and keep my life together? But through the tears, the anger at him for leaving me, the challenges of keeping the business going I still had the support of family and friends and I just kept going one day at a time and you can too.
Here a few tips I’d like to share with you that have helped me to move on with my life:
1. I don’t believe you will ever “get over” the loss, but you will learn to accept the loss which is when you move forward.
2. I realized I had to find a new “normal” for me and my life as a widow, and eventually I accepted that too.
3. I didn’t make any serious life decisions until about 18 months after his death.
4. I let go of my ego and asked for alot of help, everything from help with yard work to help with my business.
5. I didn’t clean out my husband’s closet and personal belongings until I was ready, in my case that was 6 months after his death. Don’t let anyone rush you into this until you are ready.
DOWNLOAD HERE some more Tips To Survive Anniversaries following a death
Honoring The Anniversary Of A Death
Each year on the anniversary of the death of my Mom, I do something meaningful to honor her death. This year, I wrote a story about her love of reading and I shared it with my brothers. For my husband’s death anniversary, I honor his memory by making a donation in his name to an organization he loved, and I do many other things that honor his memory as well.
Remembering is wonderful and I love to honor these death anniversaries in a loving way. I also honor my Mom and husband through this website. Giving to others is a positive way of moving forward with life, and finding something meaningful to you is the key.
Honoring the memory of your loved ones isn’t just limited to their anniversary of death. On special days such as Mother’s day, Father’s day and birthdays I find ways of bringing fond memories of them into my day.
On Father’s day, I remind my step daughter just how wonderful a father she had, and we’ll laugh about silly memories. On Mother’s day I’ll remember special things my mother did, and will sometimes make a special meal my mother showed me how to make. Each year that passes the anniversaries will get easier to handle and often become that of a great day of remembrance.
My Death Anniversary Reflections
So as I find quiet moments to reflect on the love and laughter that Allan and I shared, the life we made and memories that I will keep with me forever. Yes, I’ve shed some tears and wondered what might have been…
I think I will also have a Martini (something Allan loved) and I will raise my glass, smile and be grateful that I had been loved and cherished by a really great guy.