Touch Someone Else’s Life

Sometimes the best remedy for grief is to find ways to touch someone else’s life. This is something that has helped me and I’ve seen it help others I know as well.  Through  your own grief try opening up  and observing the needs around you, there will be ways you can take your own experiences and develop skills to help others in need. Often time grief can isolate and create loneliness, volunteering is a good way to get back into life regardless of your age.  Seniors can volunteer in their communities, churches and senior centers. Younger people can volunteer to serve in so many ways, a great resource is Volunteer Match, a website where you put in your zip code and a list of all volunteer activities in your area are listed.  You can find volunteer activities just about anywhere, just be open to serve.

If your loved one died from an illness, perhaps a meaningful volunteer position would be for the non-profit doing research on that disease.  Choose something meaningful because I guarantee this will help you heal and benefit others along the way.

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Grief is not meant to be rushed

Sometimes people try to help by rushing you out of the grieving process back into the main stream of what your life was. People sometimes even say words like “You need to get back into life” but your life is forever changed by the transition of loss. The length of the grieving process is different for each person, and you know the grieving process needs to take place for healing to begin. This is not to say one should grieve forever and not move on with life, but grieve in your own way and while the healing takes place you will move on in your own pace. Life does go on and you will too in time.

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Meaning of Life

This week I got to thinking about a deeper meaning to my life, which I do from time to time and I remembered a quote by the late George Carlin “Just when I found out the meaning of life, they changed it.”

I know this sounds like a really heavy and profound subject, but  if you’ve experience death, it makes you think about life.  You reflect on lives and loves that are lost and your place in the world and usually that means a world that offers you more meaning, a purpose to exist and get up everyday to do what you do. Sometimes when you lose a child you question everything about life including your faith, when you lose a spouse you wonder how will I get through this life without my partner?  Yes, death has a way of making us question the meaning of our lives.

I believe we need to be flexible to the ebbs and flows of our life particularly after a loss. Our life will take many turns during this period and so being able to “go with the flow” of life will be less stressful and can often times bring more meaning if we allow ourselves to live in the moment.  As life changes, we also need to change.   Something to think about…

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Gaining Support From A Church Family

This weekend I was able to travel back to my old neighborhood to attend the funeral of my neighbor Jim and to be there for his widow Louise during her time of sorrow.  It was an occasion really of family, friends and support of a whole church community and seeing that made me grateful to be apart.  Funerals can be a time of comfort, and of true support and respect.

I was particularly impressed with how the church community came together and supported one of their members by a attending the service and then bringing food over to my neighbors house for a gathering afterward.  Church family can bring great comfort and support to those after a death of a loved one.  Many church’s offer grief support groups so when looking for resources they can be as close as your community church.

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The Emotions of Grief

Do you experience your emotions some days like a roller coaster – up and down? I know I sure did and still do from time to time. Emotions like anger, sadness, fear, depression, loneliness and deep heartache are unpredictable. With these emotions does come healing so you need to feel these emotions, honor how you feel and ride it out.

Last weekend I drove by my old house that I shared with my late husband for the first time since I moved and there was a flood of emotions, that of the life I once had. I acknowledged those feelings and then they passed and I once again found peace within. Take time to honor your emotions.

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Men and Women Grieve Differently

Women tend to approach grief differently than men. Often women have a network of friends and relationships already in place, providing them an opportunity for deep personal sharing. Men don’t often have a network except perhaps through peers at work. Whether you are a man or a woman, you need to vent your emotions, and use other people to help you heal. Seek out support and when people ask how they can help -

- ask them to just listen while you talk about your loved one

- ask them to call you once and awhile to check in and see how you are doing

- ask them to invite you out or over for coffee and dinner

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