Do You Have A Circle of Strength?

I last wrote about asking for help, because we can’t get through grief or any stressful life challenges alone. I realized some time back that I was blessed by people in my life that I considered as part of my “circle of strength” – those who are there for me when I ask and even when I don’t. We all need a circle of those who support us through the thick and thin of life, those we know we can truly count on support – so who is your circle of strength and are you calling on them for support during your time of need?

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Ask For Help

As we experience a loss it is important that you reach out and ask for help. Telling someone what you need is not shameful, nor is a sign of weakness. But asking for help may make you vulnerable and uncomfortable if you are used to doing everything yourself. (I say that from experience)

Most people feel helpless around you and would do anything to ease your pain, but we must remember to ask and not presume the people who love us are psychic!

Here are a few suggestions on tasks to start with;

- ask a neighbor kid to mow the lawn, pull some weeds or tend to your garden

- ask your brother, father or neighbor to help with anything related to fixing or repairing household projects

- ask someone for help with your finances, preferably someone you trust and feel has skill with money

- ask a friend to accompany you out to dinner once a week in the beginning of loss, this will aid in the feeling of lonliness

- ask a sister, mother or girlfriend to babysit the kids so you can have some time to yourself and take that time to rejuvenate

Now think of something in your situation and take the step to ask for help – you will be glad you did.

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Regret…If Only I Had

Regret is one of those emotions you most likely will experience during grief.  You might have regrets over things you wish you would have said or done while you had the chance, you have that thought – “If only I had….”  this thought will probably persist until one day you come to terms with the fact you couldn’t have done anything differently.  The thoughts of regret are really harmful and you must know you can change the past, but you have the future filled with new possibilities and opportunities to tell anyone you choose how important they are in your life now.  Look at the future as a new slate, a chance to begin anew and create new beginnings.

Here’s a wonderfully inspired quote about living now.

“You don’t get to choose how you’re going to die. Or when. You can only decide how you’re going to live. Now.”

–Joan Baez

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Loneliness

The loneliness of loss can be one of the most painful of the emotions you will feel during the grieving process. I know for myself and for my Dad, after the loss of our spouse the evenings are particularly a lonely time because it’s the end of the day and the time you usually settled in for dinner and an evening with your spouse.  You might want to find something to do once or twice a week to break up the evening loneliness even if it is dinner at a friends or and evening playing cards with a local group.

Divorced people suffer the loneliness of loss just as much as a death, because it is a death or sorts. The end of a marriage can signify a great loss for many people and that feeling of loss, loneliness and despair are the same.

I encourage you to seek comfort from friends, family and if you are religious from your church. 

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