Merry Christmas!

As I sit with my morning coffee and look outside on the blanket of glistening snow I recite all that I am grateful for this Christmas morning. At the same time I remembered all the Christmas mornings with my husband and Mom who are no longer here, but I choose to find and feel the joy in today. Soon all the family that will gather for a wonderful dinner and we celebrate that we are here, together in this moment in time. I think there is nothing better than sharing a meal with those you love.

This morning I received an email from a friend who lost her husband about 15 months ago and I don’t think she will mind if I share her Christmas thoughts of hope -

“Nights are quiet and dark and our imaginations explode with images, we wonder, we question, we think, we ponder. What does all this mean, is it real or just the dark playing games inside of our brains.

And in the morning as the sun rises and reality is clear to us again… We thank the night for all the possibilities, the dreams, the fantasies. And we come to the conclusion that we can make the dreams come true if we believe them to be possible and life becomes exciting and full. Open your heart and let the light in and dance to the beat of hope.” PK

Yes, there is hope and Christmas is that time filled with hope if we choose to see it. If you are Christian the Lord is born today and his coming has filled the world with joy and hope. So I leave you with a wonderful quote and my wish for a day filled with hope, love and lots of good eats!

Merry Christmas with love, JoAnne

“Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love.”-Hamilton Wright Mabie

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Putting Sorrow in Perspective is Healing

I was thinking how healing it has been for me to do volunteer work because it puts my grief of loss in perspective. Particularly during the holiday season as I wrote about before, we regress back to the good times we had with someone who has died and in my case I miss my husband even more during this time because we I have such great memories of the Christmas’ we spent together.

So yesterday I volunteered at my favorite local charity providing work appropriate clothing to women getting back into the work place. Most of the women that are referred to us are low income or have come upon hard times and can’t afford to buy appropriate clothing for the job they acquired. I worked with a woman who got a pair of boots in addition to some other outfits but as she left she turned to me and said “You don’t know how much these boots mean to me, I knew I didn’t have the extra money to buy boots this month” as I bid her a Merry Christmas and watched her walk away in her new boots, I was comforted by knowing we had really helped someone in need today and it put my sadness in perspective.

Death has taught be about life and the hardest thing I have learned about love is loss. I bet you are experiencing similar feelings right now. But also know, that others can inspire hope in us and that is my wish for those suffering grief, I wish you inspiration to feel hopeful and be blessed by the joys of the season and those people in your life that you treasure most.

Here’s a touching video on hope and inspiration. Take a few moments to watch it.

with hope & inspiration, JoAnne

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Why do we regress during the holidays?

Holiday time is all about regression, we think alot about the past, what was and those loved ones no longer here that we celebrated the holidays with, this is why holiday time can be so difficult.

Family will often stop you from grieving during this time because they don’t want you to be sad so they won’t bring up the loved one that died. So often times its easier  to be with friends who will let you talk about the great times you had with your deceased loved one. Talking is a part of grieving and just know that especially during the holiday season you moods might wave up and down because you should feel a longing for the ones that are no longer with you.  Just  know you will get through this time of year and you will even laugh and find joy.  You might even feel guilt for being happy instead of being grief ridden – many people experience this too.  Just know you will get through the holiday season as long as you feel hope and love from those you surround yourself with.

Wishing each one of you much joy during this holiday season.

in love & hope,  JoAnne

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The holidays are coming. How can you cope with them?

Here are some tips I want to share that will help in coping through the holiday season;

It is not only holidays that are difficult because there is an “empty chair,” but also anniversaries, birthdays, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and so on. Here are some effective ways to manage these special days:

• Plan ahead. How will you spend the day? With whom?
• Talk about your deceased loved one. This will let others know that you want to hear his/her name and to talk about that person.
• Establish personal priorities. Decide what you want to do, how you wish to celebrate, and with whom you wish to spend time. Follow your instincts.
• Express your feelings. If the holidays make you more weepy, then cry. If you feel the need to talk about the loss, then find a good friend who will listen.
• Value your memories. You loved, and the price of losing a loved one is pain. Cherish the time you had together and value your precious memories, which can never be taken away from you.
• Reach out to others. Take the focus off yourself and your pain by volunteering to help others.
• Avoid isolating yourself in grief. Just because you are in pain, do not cut yourself off from others. Stay in touch. Keep communication open with family, friends and colleagues. Accept invitations for social events, even if you do not feel like it.
• Be patient with yourself. A loss to death inflicts a deep wound but the wound will heal.

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