Putting a band-aid on grieving

After talking with some friends recently about their journey through grief I have come to the conclusion that in the American culture we tend to just put a band-aid on the grieving process. What do I mean by that?  well, we want people to just “get over” things in this country, we’re always in a hurry to the next thing in our lives.  We’re busy working to make a living for 8-12 hours a day including the commute (unless you’re in California, then that doesn’t include the commute) and then we rush home to eat fast-food because we’re too busy to cook a meal from scratch and then we rush our children off to their activities to come home and do laundry, pay bills and other miscellaneous activities in our rushed lives.  Everyone has expectations of us performing those tasks I just mentioned and so we feel guilty enough to lead this crazy life to meet the expectations.  So what I see happening to people who lose someone to death is interesting…our employer sends their condolences and after about a week or so wants to know when you’re coming back to work, so you put a band-aid on your grieving and buck up to return as quickly as you can to your job. Your children want you to stop crying and get back to meeting their needs and so the cycle begins.  Why do we not respect grief and allow ourselves and others time to put their grief in perspective before we spend them back into the world?  Do companies offer “grief leave” just like they would honor maternity leave?  Nope, we just expect each other to GET OVER IT and move on.   I’m not suggesting life comes to a stop completely, but maybe just maybe it should for a couple of weeks so the griever can come to some terms about their loss before they are forced back into life as they knew it.   Something to think about……..

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Grief can cause stress in a marriage

Grief can cause stress in a marriage particularly if a child dies because often the husband and wife grieve differently. Often women will cry and hide away at home alone and men will bury themselves in their work.

It is important to acknowledge each others grief and support that path.  At the same time it is easy to lose sight of the need to support the marriage because your grief can become so debilitating.  This is the time to seek help from a professional  who is can give you tools to support the grieving process and the marriage.  Some couples have told me the loss resulted in a closer relationship with their spouse, in either case know that you are together to support one another through good times and the bad and provide each other with hope.

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How Will Your Life Look in 2009?

Now that we’ve gotten through the holidays we are probably contemplating how will our life look in 2009?

As with most people January is a time for goal setting and planning for the coming year, well I believe if you are experiencing some sort of loss transition you too are wondering what the new year will bring. I believe finding hope, inspiration and the will to move forward in order to set those goals requires you to make the decision that you can and desire to move forward. Living on purpose really is about deciding to find purpose in your life and then taking the steps and getting the tools to do just that.

We certainly should wake up in the morning with the intent to have a day filled with joy and optimism and that positive attitude is the first step. The second step in to have a plan as to how you you will accomplish something. If you need more tools to accomplish your goals, then invest in yourself and get the tools you need. If you need support I encourage you to seek it out, whether it is from your family and friends or a professional. Most often professionals will catapult your progess much faster than your going it alone.

Here are some quick tips to get you started on a plan for 2009;

1. What goals do I have both short term and long term for 2009? (you can list both personally & professionally)

2. What are the obstacles that may be in the way of achieving these goals?

3. Who can help me achieve my goals? (list people and tools that will aid in the success of your goals)

A new year is for new beginnings, I wish all of you wonderful new beginnings. Contact me if I can help.

JoAnne Funch

“And now let us welcome the new year–full of things that have never been.”

–Rainer Maria Rilke

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