Global Grief Requires Healing

Right now at this place in time I believe much of the world is experiencing grief from loss of jobs, income, savings and sense of self.  If you have lost a job you might feel a loss of your self-identity, isolated and alone.  These are all feelings that we go through when we experience loss.  We all know people experiencing this type of journey through grief and many people are mourning their losses outwardly.   We must mourn the loss in order to heal and move forward.

Here are a few tips to share with anyone mourning;

1. Acknowledge the  reality of the situation/loss

2. By acknowledging you will reconcile and begin to heal/move forward

3.  Let go of the identity of the lost job for instance and be open to receive a new identity

4.  Get support from others, don’t feel guilty about asking for help.  By opening yourself to help you also open yourself to new opportunities.  Remember to ask for what you want.

5,  Your loss may be physically and mentally demanding so be gentle and kind with yourself.  Take extra time for self care. Perhaps committed time for exercise, walking a massage or even just a haircut can improve our mood and self confidence.

6.  Focus on things you’re good at, even if its in your spare time. Who know, perhaps it could turn into a job or some sort of extra income. If not, you are spending your time doing something you love and that nurtures you.

7.  Break free from all the seriousness of your grief, give yourself permission to just be silly.  Afterall laughter is the best medicine.

8.  Make a list of short term goals, things you can work on everyday that will lead you to feeling better about your loss.

9.  Make a list of 2-3 people that you can turn to for help or mentoring and be sure they will be therew to support you. You will find those who don’t want to talk about your loss, so be sure whomever you chose is willing to listen and help you.

10.  Be patient.  Be present and Be hopeful.

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The Anguish of Sudden Death

The anguish of someone you love dying suddenly is one of those things you just can’t imagine will ever happen to you.  I couldn’t have imagined it either until it happened to me.  The moment still remains so surreal.  My husband and I owned a business together and were working in our building like we did everyday.   This particular day he was on a ladder installing some electrical conduit onto a wall when he fell from the ladder onto the concrete floor.  In that instant my life was forever changed.  I ran to him as soon as I heard the crash and I saw him lying on the floor unconscious and bleeding.  I had an employee call 911 as I held him in my arms for what seemed an eternity.  He regained conciseness and started to break away from my hold, I had no idea the extent of his injuries and thought I should try to keep him as immobile as possible until the ambulance arrived.  He was rushed to the hospital where he remained comatose for seven days in the intensive care unit until he died.  During that week as I sat by his bedside in my daily vigil, I talked to him with a certainty that I was sure he could hear me. I begged him to wake up, to come home and that we needed him.  I found myself making a pact with God to please let him wake up and be well and I would be repentant forever after.  I guess God had other plans.

Sudden death leaves you numb.  I never got to say good bye, I so desperately wanted to hear his voice one more time.  I wanted to feel his hands touch my face and hold my hand. I wanted to take back every cross word I ever used, I wanted to have one more day, just one more day.

Losing someone you love so quickly is a heartache of unbearable proportion. I recall feeling numb for days and weeks that followed. My life was forever changed and I hadn’t made plans to accommodate that change.  We make plans for our lives in so many areas from raising the children and planning their education to the short and long term planning of our personal and professional goals.  We did not have a plan for sudden death, we had no life insurance, and we had no back up “what if” plan.

The journey through grief was hard, I questioned the meaning of life, my faith and of whom I would become.  My self-identity as a wife had changed, how I was once defined was now different. I was now a widow. I did not sign up for this role and did not embrace it easily.

There were lessons learned from my journey. I did learn to be compassionate to myself and all the feelings I encountered.  I learned to go with the flow of the day and not judge myself so harshly. I eventually faced the reality of my husband’s death, embraced the pain and found hope for my future.  Most days now are good days, memories are sweet and oh so precious and life is a gift I do not take for granted.

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Having Faith

Regardless of your religious faith or spiritual beliefs, there have been studies done that show prayer can aid in the grieving and healing process.  So if you believe, there is power in prayer.  Pray for yourself, for strength to endure the pain of your grief, pray for your loved one who has passed, pray for other family members affected by the death of your loved one.

If you believe, then you will be comforted by the power of prayer. If you belong to a church, ask that your church pray for you and your dearly departed.

If you believe then you will be comforted to better days ahead.

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Lesson In Life’s Kind Moments

I like to share inspirational stories on occasion just because it keeps both life and death in a healthy perspective. Enjoy this story.

in hope & inspiration, JoAnne

RED MARBLES

I was at the corner grocery store buying some early potatoes.

I noticed a small boy, delicate of bone and feature, ragged but clean,
hungrily appraising a basket of freshly picked green peas.

I paid for my potatoes, but was also drawn to the display of fresh
green peas.

I am a pushover for creamed peas and new potatoes.
Pondering the peas, I couldn’t help overhearing the conversation
between Mr. Miller (the store owner) and the ragged boy next to me.

‘Hello Barry, how are you today?’

‘H’lo, Mr. Miller. Fine, thank ya. Jus’
admirin’ them peas. They sure look good.’

‘They are good, Barry. How’s your Ma?’

‘Fine. Gittin’ stronger alla’ time.’

‘Good. Anything I can help you with?’

‘No, Sir. Jus’ admirin’ them peas.’

‘Would you like take some home?’ asked Mr. Miller.

‘No, Sir. Got nuthin’ to pay for ‘em with.’
‘Well, what have you to trade me for some of those peas?’

‘All I got’s my prize marble here.’

‘Is that right? Let me see it’ said Miller.

‘Here ’tis. She’s a dandy.’

‘I can see that. Hmmmmm, only thing is this one is blue and I sort of
go for red. Do you have a red one like this at home?’ the store owner
asked.

‘Not zackley but almost.’

‘Tell you what. Take this sack of peas home with you and next trip
this way let me look at that red marble’, Mr. Miller told the boy.

‘Sure will. Thanks Mr. Miller.’

Mrs. Miller, who had been standing nearby, came over to help me.

With a smile said, ‘There are two other boys like him in our
community, all three are in very poor circumstances.
Jim just loves to bargain with them for peas, apples, tomatoes, or
whatever.

When they come back with their red marbles, and they always do, he
decides he doesn’t like red after all and he sends them home with a
bag of produce for a green marble or an orange one, when they come on
their next trip to the store.’

I left the store smiling to myself, impressed with this man.

A short time later I moved to Colorado , but I never forgot the story
of this man, the boys, and their bartering for marbles.

Several years went by, each more rapid than the previous one.

Just recently I had occasion to visit some old friends in that Idaho
community and while I was there learned that Mr.
Miller had died.

They were having his visitation that evening and knowing my friends
wanted to go, I agreed to accompany them.

Upon arrival at the mortuary we fell into line to meet the relatives
of the deceased and to offer whatever words of comfort we could.

Ahead of us in line were three young men.

One was in an army uniform and the other two wore nice haircuts, dark
suits and white shirts…all very professional looking.

They approached Mrs. Miller, standing composed and smiling by her
husband’s casket.

Each of the young men hugged her, kissed her on the cheek, spoke
briefly with her and moved on to the casket.>
Her misty light blue eyes followed them as, one by one, each young man
stopped briefly and placed his own warm hand over the cold pale hand
in the casket.

Each left the mortuary awkwardly, wiping his eyes.

Our turn came to meet Mrs. Miller. I told her who I was and reminded
her of the story from those many years ago and what she had told me
about her husband’s bartering for marbles.

With her eyes glistening, she took my hand and led me to the casket.

‘Those three young men who just left were the boys I told you about.
They just told me how they appreciated the things Jim ‘traded’ them.

Now, at last, when Jim could not change his mind about color or
size…they came to pay their debt.’

‘We’ve never had a great deal of the wealth of this world,’ she
confided, ‘but right now, Jim would consider himself the richest man
in Idaho ‘.

With loving gentleness she lifted the lifeless fingers of her deceased
husband. Resting underneath were three exquisitely shined red marbles.

The Moral : We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind
moments that take our breath.

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Those Who Die Still Live

I just read a lovely post by Marianne Williamson I wanted to share with you.  She wrote about the passing of the actress Natasha Richardson and the spiritual perspective that those that die still live.  “It is not the reality of death, but only our belief about its reality, that ultimately causes us sorrow and pain.” I hope you will CLICK HERE and read the entire story.

with  love & inspiration,

JoAnne Funch

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The American Widow Project

Last week I had the honor of speaking with  Taryn Davis, founder of  the American Widow Project and her partner Nicole Hart.  These two women amidst the grief of losing their husbands  in the Iraq war, have become dedicated to support the new generation of widows – that of the military widow.  They want other military widows to know they are not alone so Taryn produced a documentary DVD about the journey of six military widows, their struggles and sorrow and is FREE of charge to all military widows simply by sending a request to their website.  Anyone else can purchase the DVD for a small donation. Their goal is to have the military distribute a DVD in each packet given to the widow after the soldiers death, this way the widow will immediately know she is not alone.

These women have a beautiful RV with the names of all the fallen soldiers from Iraq and Afghanistan.  Nicole told me this to “honor the fallen, the heros, not to make a head count of war, this represents the life behind each name as well as the survivor behind each name” They plan on making a trip from the west coast to Washington DC where they plan to be on Memorial Day 2009.  They will be stopping at military bases along the way to talk with other widows and share the DVD.  They need our help to make this journey, so I encourage you to DONATE today and help these brave women reach out to those who are grieving a loss.

At the age of 23, these young women are wise beyond their years. Taryn said to me “we all understand that grief is universal even if you are not a military widow”and they wanted to share a few tips on healing they have learned;

1.  FOLLOW YOUR HEART – said Taryn, do what you think is right and not what others think might be best for you or how other think you should feel.

2. HOLD TRUE TO WHO YOU ARE – said Taryn, don’t think what I tell you about grief is what you should do. We’re all different.

3.  HOLD ON – said Nicole, when people tell you to let go or move on, it’s OK to hold on to memories. Those memories helped her through this journey called grief.

4. ONE DAY AT A TIME – said Nicole, to concentrate on today only helped. Don’t try to think about next week, rather take each day as it comes.

Their mission is not to tell people how to grieve but to talk and share stories but most of all to comfort and let these widows know they are not alone, that’s true Heartache To Healing. Taryn told me someone once said, “Its not so much about the road you take it’s how you take it.”  I think that’s awfully profound.

I humbly thank Michael Davis and David Hart who gave their lives for liberty, for freedom and for the United States of America.

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Support Groups for Widows

Today I attended a luncheon sponsored by a local Funeral Home and partner of the LIFT Program.  I wanted to see first hand what they offered to widows/widowers.   The program is a social support program that  provides monthly luncheons and various other outings and activities.  The benefits of the LIFT group and other social groups for widows and widowers are many;

1.  Provides a place to meet others who have lost their spouse, others who understand your loss.

2.  Provides support from feeling isolated and alone

3.  Opportunity to meet new friends

4.  Great way to participate in organized activities without feeling like the 3rd wheel (often those who have lost a spouse feel like the 3rd wheel with their friends that have spouses)

LIFT offers groups nationwide. you can click on this link to find one nearest you.

*My personal experience today was that the group was all seniors. That’s not to say all groups all the same so be sure to ask the organizer the ages of the attendees.

Remember, you don’t have to be alone.  If you can’t find a group in your area, contact me and I will try to help!

JoAnne

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The Shack – A Story of Heartache To Healing

If you haven’t read the book, “The Shack”, I highly recommend it to everyone.  It is a loving story of a man’s journey through grief, faith and forgiveness.  He finds strength to  face his great sadness and come to a new understanding about life, love and beyond.   I don’t want to say more for those who haven’t read it yet, but it is a real page turner.

Today I had the honor of meeting the author, William Paul Young at a book signing event and later that evening to hear him speak.  His personal story is incredible in that he started out to write a short story for his kids… Mr. Young refers to his story as a “God thing” and what a story it is.

I believe  Paul Young will help many with this story of  heartache to healing.  He is an inspiration at a time when people want hope and to believe again.

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