Explore Simple Questions for the New Year

This week, we welcome a New Year into our lives. This is a good time for us to see what is to be released, what is to be kept and improved, and what is to be brought in.  How can we heal our grief?  Take time to ask and explore these simple questions:

Continue reading “Explore Simple Questions for the New Year” »

Share on Facebook

How Long Should You Tell Your Grief Story?

By Harriet Hodgson

Last week my husband and I went to a holiday party. We enjoyed the food, piano music, and visiting with friends. As we prepared to leave, a friend asked what I was doing these days. When I told her we were raising our twin grandchildren because their parents had died in separate car crashes, her jaw dropped.
“That’s unbelievable,” she said.

Another person overheard our conversation and was obviously uncomfortable with my honesty. This is not the first time this has happened. Years ago I had a similar experience. I answered a question honestly and a guest commented, “Please don’t spoil the party.” She was partially right. There is a time and place to tell your story, but sometimes you tell it because you are surprised or caught off guard.

You have a story to tell. But Vamik D. Vokan, MD and Elizabeth Zintl, in their book “Life After Loss,” say the American culture prohibits the expression of grief. “We are a culture of death deniers,” they write. Death deniers, which may include family members and friends, do not want any connection with your pain. Yet you must tell your story in order to cope, do your grief work, and create a new life.

Grief changes you forever. Not telling your story is to deny your identity and life experience. Though you are temporarily lost in the darkness, telling your story helps you find your way through grief. At least, that is my experience after losing four loved ones in nine months. If you are like me, you may have wondered how long you should tell your story.

Tell your story until you can do it without sobbing. In other words, you are starting to accept loss. Judith Viorst writes about this in her book, “Necessary Losses.” Some mourn quietly, she explains, while others mourn vocally. We experience terror, tears, and terrible emotions. “In our own different ways, having managed someow to work our way thorugh our confrontations and unacceptable losses, we can begin to come to the end of mourning.”

Tell your story until you can idenfity feelings. Repeating your story will help you identify confusion, anger, frustration, and stress. You may also recognize feelings of aloneness and abandonment. I didn’t realize how worried I was about money until I wrote an article about tracking down my deceased daughter’s assets. Getting feelings out in the open helps you cope with them.

Tell your story until it gets shorter. Your story will change over time. Though it still includes the basics — cause of death, memorial service, secondary losses, and other facts — you start to condense your story. Surprising as it seems now, the time will come when you can summarize your story in a few sentences. This is a sign of reconciliation.

Tell your story until you start to see progress. Humor may start to creep back into your story. The results of your grief work become apparent. You may use more positive words. Repeating your story will help you reinvent yourself. Today, I give talks about grief to help others. How long should you tell your story? As long as you need to, and then hold it close to your heart.

Copyright 2009 by Harriet Hodgson http://www.harriethodgson.com

Harriet Hodgson has been an independent journalists for decades. She is a member of the American Society of Journalists and Authors, Association of Health Care Journalists, and Association for Death Education and Counseling. Her 24th book, “Smiling Through Your Tears: Anticipating Grief,” written with Lois Krahn, MD, is available from Amazon.

Centering Corporation has published her 26th book, “Writing to Recover: The Journey from Loss and Grief to a New Life” and a companion journal with 100 writing prompts. Please visit Harriet’s website and learn more about this busy author and grandmother.

Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?How-Long-Should-You-Tell-Your-Grief-Story?&id=3460063] How Long Should You Tell Your Grief Story?

Share on Facebook

How did you cope the first year of grief?

I recently sent out an email letting you know that you can help others who will be grieving a loss of their loved one by sharing your tips for surviving the first year of grief in a new book called “Grief’s First Year.”
The first year of grief seems to be the toughest to get through according to all of you who I hear from on the Heartache To Healing site. We can help those new to grief by sharing what we learned to survive the first year.

Submit your short story of tips that you think will benefit someone else who might experience a similar loss to yours.

When you submit your story, include your name, name of the deceased you might be referring to in your story and your relationship to that person. Be sure to include your contact information so I can get in touch with you. Please send your tips to me by January 30th.

EMAIL ME:  joanne@heartachetohealing.com

If you are unsure of what to write, let me share a recent submission;

My name is Anne, and my husband, JB, died suddenly of a stroke at the age of 43 in August 2003.  We have 4 children, who at the time, ranged in age from 3 to 10.  I had always thought that if something ever happened to JB, I too, would die.  But somehow, every morning I woke up and found myself still breathing.  And with 4 kids who really needed me I was able to get up, make their breakfast, and get them off to school.  I was going through the motions, but that’s o.k. That’s how it starts.

It definitely wasn’t easy.  But I discovered a lot of things.  One, let people help you – now’s not the time to do it all yourself or be too prideful to accept help.  Friends and family can’t bring your loved one back, but they can make your life a little easier.  LET THEM!  It helps them as much as it helps you.  Even if it’s something you can do yourself, accept their offer graciously.  I had meals brought to me every day for 3 months.  Could I have done it on my own?  Yes.  Did it help knowing I didn’t have to figure out dinner every day?  You bet.

Keep your life as routine as you possibly can.  I was lucky enough to have some life insurance, so we were able to keep the house and I was able to continue staying home with the kids.  They only missed a couple of days of school, and then they started back in their routine.  It wasn’t long before we were signing up for sports and other activities.  It helped all of us to get back to our life.

Get some counseling for you and the children.  Our city has a wonderful (and free) grief support group geared toward the children.  It helped them see they weren’t alone, and to begin expressing their feelings about their loss.  It was also incredibly helpful for me to have time with others who were going through the same thing as me.

Establish traditions to remember your loved one.  On JB’s birthday, the kids and I write a message to him on balloons and them release them to heaven.  We go to his favorite restaurant on the anniversary of his death and raise a toast to his life.  It seems to help all of us on these otherwise tough days.

Do what you can to take care of yourself.  Get plenty of rest, go for a walk, take up your friend’s offer to go out to lunch, get your hair done.  For me, this was never the life I had imagined for myself or my kids, but I’ve tried to make our lives as normal as possible.  Eventually, you’ll establish a new “normal”.  It’s not the same, but it’s good.

Always with love, inspiration & hope

JoAnne Funch

Have you taken the time to visit the wonderful gifts on the Products page?  Please stop by and CLICK HERE

Share on Facebook

Coping With Significant Dates

Following the death of your loved one you will face the significant days that will make you remember  your loved one who is now gone.  On those days your emotions may be more fragile as you reflect on a life that is gone by. Continue reading “Coping With Significant Dates” »

Share on Facebook

Let’s Hang To What We’ve Got

Today I heard this old song on the radio by Frankie Valli -”Let’s Hang On”

Let’s hang on to what we’ve got

Don’t let go girl we’ve got a lot

Got a lot of love between us

Hang on hang on hang on

To what we’ve got

and the song reminded me that despite our losses and grief, we need to remember to hold on to the love and people we do have in our lives.  It’s easy to fall into the self-pity trap, I know this trap very well, been there a few times!

During the holiday season and other dates of significance we tend to fall into that trap and I’m just suggesting you too remember to hold on to what you’ve got – children, a loving spouse, parents and loyal friendships.  These are the people who continue to sustain us through life’s difficult times and are there to celebrate life’s joyous times.

So…Let’s Hang On To What We Got

Get my new ebook “How To Cope With Grief During The Holidays”

Follow me on Facebook – Heartache To Healing Fan Page

Share on Facebook

How Will You Cope With Grief This Holiday Season?

We’re into the holiday season, we see all the ads on TV for all the latest and greatest products and sales, and the social activities are being planned.  If you are grieving the death of a loved one, you might not be feeling very festive and jolly, in fact you might be more like Scrooge – ho hum bug, wondering how will you cope?  Continue reading “How Will You Cope With Grief This Holiday Season?” »

Share on Facebook