Healing Grief Includes Rest

Healing through grief includes getting alot of rest and actually is a good practice for all of us living in these crazy and unsettled times.   Following a significant death we are often anxious and our natural instinct to worry about the unfinished or unknown business looms large.   Remaining calm is great in theory but to practice this when your life has been forever shattered and changed isn’t easy.

I suggest to start by making a list of ways you can take time everyday for some extra rest, perhaps that might me sending the kids to the neighbors for a hour so you can take a nap, or scheduling an hour at the end of the day just to take a walk, breathe and let go of your worries for just that hour.  Also remind yourself that somethings are just out of your hands and so letting thoughts of worry go and intentionally making time to rest your weary mind and body is essential to your future well being. Continue reading “Healing Grief Includes Rest” »

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Stages of Grief and Loss Change Over Time

By Mary Jane Hurley Brant, M.S., CGP , Author of When Every Day Matters (Simple Abundance Press)

How we feel about a person’s death changes over time.  I think it has everything to do with our relationship to that person and maybe even the age we are when we experience permanent loss.  I also think it has to do with accepting the mystery of death.  Sometimes the death of someone is so shattering in the beginning that we barely function.  Then, as time moves ahead, little-by-little, we begin to heal a little at a time depending on the intensity of the love we felt for the deceased.

Sometimes, however, our grief experience is in reverse and delayed as mine was in the case of my father who passed away I was thirteen years old.  Rarely talking about him it appeared on the outside that I was coping fine.  It wasn’t until my early 30’s in graduate school – while attending workshops to deal with unconscious elements – my long ago grief for my father was uncovered.  I discovered then how much pain and sorrow had been buried when he was layed to rest.  I learned then that just because my father was at peace didn’t mean I necessarily was.  I addressed then, consciously and seriously, my deep sadness and loss of him.  And, while a delayed grief process, the-better-late-than-never paradigm was applicable.

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Grief Support Groups

Grief support comes in many forms including family, friends, church, organized grief groups, online grief support, online forums and blogs and grief coaching and professional therapy.

Healing does require support as you journey through the pain of your loss.  First, seek out those who you know will support, comfort and really be there for you.  Having those shoulders to cry on and the kindness of others to patiently listen will aid in your healing  journey.  Those who are genuinely caring and non-judgemental are best.   Sharing the pain doesn’t make it go away but the support of others makes the journey tolerable and knowing that life is worth living when others are there to strengthen and encourage us along.

Many people find comfort in their faith and talking with the pastor, minister or the like at their place of worship.

In most communities you will find support groups which are organized through church’s, hospitals, funeral homes, Hospice centers and even now through the Meet-Up organization (www.meet-up.com). I encourage anyone who is seeking more active listeners in a non-judgemental space who might not be receiving support through other means mentioned above to seek out a group in your area.

On-line grief support has grown dramatically in the past two years since I started this site.  There is a growing demand from people to connect on-line which is indicative of the explosion of social media.  Online grief support offers people immediate support from others who understand and are experiencing loss at the same time.  There is a quality of comfort in connecting with other who understand.  I will caution you however that at the same time you feel connected you can also feel isolated if you don’t seek comfort and support outside the online world.  Life is meant to be lived fully and that includes getting back involved in your business and social world prior to your loss.

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