Grief can cause stress in a marriage
Grief can cause stress in a marriage particularly if a child dies because often the husband and wife grieve differently. Often women will cry and hide away at home alone and men will bury themselves in their work.
It is important to acknowledge each others grief and support that path. At the same time it is easy to lose sight of the need to support the marriage because your grief can become so debilitating. This is the time to seek help from a professional who is can give you tools to support the grieving process and the marriage. Some couples have told me the loss resulted in a closer relationship with their spouse, in either case know that you are together to support one another through good times and the bad and provide each other with hope.
Putting Sorrow in Perspective is Healing
December 20, 2008 by admin
Filed under HOPE and INSPIRATION
I was thinking how healing it has been for me to do volunteer work because it puts my grief of loss in perspective. Particularly during the holiday season as I wrote about before, we regress back to the good times we had with someone who has died and in my case I miss my husband even more during this time because we I have such great memories of the Christmas’ we spent together.
So yesterday I volunteered at my favorite local charity providing work appropriate clothing to women getting back into the work place. Most of the women that are referred to us are low income or have come upon hard times and can’t afford to buy appropriate clothing for the job they acquired. I worked with a woman who got a pair of boots in addition to some other outfits but as she left she turned to me and said “You don’t know how much these boots mean to me, I knew I didn’t have the extra money to buy boots this month” as I bid her a Merry Christmas and watched her walk away in her new boots, I was comforted by knowing we had really helped someone in need today and it put my sadness in perspective.
Death has taught be about life and the hardest thing I have learned about love is loss. I bet you are experiencing similar feelings right now. But also know, that others can inspire hope in us and that is my wish for those suffering grief, I wish you inspiration to feel hopeful and be blessed by the joys of the season and those people in your life that you treasure most.
Here’s a touching video on hope and inspiration. Take a few moments to watch it.
with hope & inspiration, JoAnne
Why do we regress during the holidays?
Holiday time is all about regression, we think alot about the past, what was and those loved ones no longer here that we celebrated the holidays with, this is why holiday time can be so difficult.
Family will often stop you from grieving during this time because they don’t want you to be sad so they won’t bring up the loved one that died. So often times its easier to be with friends who will let you talk about the great times you had with your deceased loved one. Talking is a part of grieving and just know that especially during the holiday season you moods might wave up and down because you should feel a longing for the ones that are no longer with you. Just know you will get through this time of year and you will even laugh and find joy. You might even feel guilt for being happy instead of being grief ridden – many people experience this too. Just know you will get through the holiday season as long as you feel hope and love from those you surround yourself with.
Wishing each one of you much joy during this holiday season.
in love & hope, JoAnne
Loneliness
September 6, 2008 by admin
Filed under grieving a spouse
The loneliness of loss can be one of the most painful of the emotions you will feel during the grieving process. I know for myself and for my Dad, after the loss of our spouse the evenings are particularly a lonely time because it’s the end of the day and the time you usually settled in for dinner and an evening with your spouse. You might want to find something to do once or twice a week to break up the evening loneliness even if it is dinner at a friends or and evening playing cards with a local group.
Divorced people suffer the loneliness of loss just as much as a death, because it is a death or sorts. The end of a marriage can signify a great loss for many people and that feeling of loss, loneliness and despair are the same.
I encourage you to seek comfort from friends, family and if you are religious from your church.
Are You Open To Receive?
Today I was thinking about how being open to receive relates to those going through any type of transition, I usually talk about loss as it relates to death but today I am thinking of anyone going through transitions. Being open to receive means putting yourself – your mental state in a place to receive love again, to receive kindness from others, to be able to simply say thank you when some gives you something. The act of being open to receive will open you heart to healing.
My thought for today….yesterday is gone, tomorrow is yet to be. Go out an start a new day and be open to receive whatever comes your way. Start here by receiving the gift of a brighter more hopeful tomorrow from me.
enjoying the day at Hermosa Beach, CA
Do you need to heal from misdirected anger?
Anger. We all experience it, some more than others like those who are grieving a loss. That applies to loss from death, divorce or even a job loss.
Anger does not necessarily follow a logical path. Different people will focus their anger in different directions. For instance, you might be angry with people or at circumstances surrounding your loss, or you may be angry at the person you lost – that could even be an ex-spouse who you are angry at for the loss of a marriage.
In any case, is your anger misdirected to those you think are responsible for the loss or are you just angry. For me I will say in no uncertain terms that I was pissed off angry when my husband died and left me alone to sort out our life – but I will say with time the anger subsided and with time I actually softened and healed. I wasn’t really angry at him as much as I was sad for my loss.
So is your anger misdirected? Maybe…….but you will heal with time.
Grieving Multiple Losses
June 24, 2008 by admin
Filed under grief, Inspiration, loss
If you have ever experienced multiple losses like I did when I lost my Mom and husband within a month of each other as well as an Uncle a few months later you know this will extend your journey through grief. Past losses can include the deaths of loved ones and pets, jobs, many are losing homes, and people move away. If you have not dealt with these losses, you may have feelings of regret, sadness and even anger that will affect how you grieve your current loss, so be sure you acknowledge each loss for they all held meaning in your life.
What Do You Fear From Loss?
June 2, 2008 by admin
Filed under death, grieving process, healing, loss
We all have fear surrounding the death of a loved one, and I think addressing those fears will help you in the grieving and healing process.
After the death of my husband, some of my fears were as follows, please send me your comments in the space below as to what were or are your fears?
- How will I ever get over this overwhelming sadness
- Unbelieving that he is actually gone
- How will my life go on without him
- How will I manage our business
- How will I financially make it
Lessons From Loss are Lessons in Living Life
May 20, 2008 by admin
Filed under grief, grieving process, healing, healing a broken heart, life, life lessons, loss, SPIRITUAL HEALING
There are many lessons I have learned through loss, and I am coming to understand now that I probably knew these lessons all along, in other words they were within me, my core, who I am. However it took the tragedy of loss for me to remember those lessons and have the courage to take action and affirm how precious life is. I am not here to dwell on loss but rather support you in life.
Healing a broken heart can be done with time, courage and the desire to heal. Going through the grieving process and healing comes from within but we are not meant to walk the journey alone. Asking for the support of family and friends is necessary and perhaps spiritual healing from clergy or any spiritual advisor. From whomever gives you comfort, they too will help you to living life again.
Loss can bring clarity to your life and to the things that matter most, don’t ignore that. There is no going back for a do over, but there is another day to live a life of joy. Take each day as it comes, be grateful for where you are and what you have NOW, and be open to new possibilities. You can’t change the past, but you can direct the wind in your sails for the future.
For an inspirational read about the true value of living life, Please take the time to read - “The Last Lecture” by Randy Pausch
“We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.”
–Randy Pausch
Life Losses
February 23, 2008 by admin
Filed under life losses
“When a person is born, we celebrate;
when they marry we jubilate;
but when they die we act as if nothing has happened.”
- Margaret Mead
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