About 3 million people — one-third of Haiti’s population — were affected by the quake, the Red Cross said.

In addition to the physical suffering, there is the grief.  Grief is the normal and natural emotional response to loss.  I learned through some research* that the majority of the people are Catholics or Protestants, whose practice is to provide last rites to the dead and a proper burial.  The main Cathedral in Port Au Prince has crumbled; there will be no prayer vigils and no funeral masses for the dead.

There is an Afro-Creole view called Vodou (Voodoo) which is also practiced in Haiti.  The belief is that people are born and people died and this is simply the cycle of life, death and rebirth.  When the body dies the spirit moves on.  The belief is that the spirit moves through the water.  Looking into the water then, you see the land of the recent dead where the soul goes and it is said they stay there for a year and a day floating and resting. Then they are brought up in a ceremony and released to go on to God.

Vodou is actually helpful in that it functions as a social support network, through community congregations.  Every person in the tradition has access to spirits that govern the realm of death.  The spirits escort the people into the realm of death.  The belief is that death is part of life to be laughed at and death is something that takes everyone in the end.

Rituals are important to healing from grief; they offer a sense of being connected and offer the opportunity to let out emotions.   It seems the Haitian’s are being robbed of the basic burial rituals and mourning the dead in traditional ways will not be possible because so many bodies have been buried in mass graves.  Many families will never know where there dead lie.

My hope is that they find comfort in their religious belief’s, and with those family and friends that a have survived.  What can we do to let them know they are not alone and offer comfort? How can we offer hope to people in a situation that appears so hopeless? Except for offering prayers, I don’t know.  But if I find some answers, I will let you know.  If you have suggestions, let us know by commenting below.

*Elizabeth McAlister, Associate Professor of religion at Wesleyan University

Share on Facebook

I know some of you reading this are like me in that I was not prepared when my husband died suddenly, in my case, we never talked about these types of future plans, and so I was unprepared and called the only funeral home I knew in town.  I was at the mercy of the funeral home and being in a state of shock to begin with, I probably did not make any rational and certainly not good economic decisions, I just wrote the check.

I have come to understand that the funeral industry is big business, and many funeral homes are owned by corporations not by caring people who has served the community for years and know your name and care about your best interest and not up-selling you a casket and funeral package you can’t afford.  Often they use terms that a vulnerable person who just lost their loved one buys into like “doesn’t your loved one deserve the best legacy” or “doesn’t your loved one deserve this type of celebration.”

Let me share a portion of the article that got me so hot today;

If you have visited (website will remain anonymous, but this was written my a funeral industry association that supports funeral directors) in the past few months, you have surely noticed articles covering the topic of the “Boomer” generation. The current “death trough” and the sinking economy are beginning to take their toll on the funeral industry. For funeral directors the deaths of baby boomers – people born between 1946 and 1964 – is a windfall worth lusting over, if they can make it through the current decline in death that is projected to last a few more years.

Reports from federal agencies that track population and health statistics indicate the nation’s death rate has dropped slightly and is expected to plateau for several more years. But baby boomers won’t be able to escape the inevitable forever. The U.S. Census Bureau projects the annual number of deaths in the United States will rise from 2.6 million in 2010 to 3 million in 2024 and 4 million in 2043.

The Boomers are a generation who has changed just about everything in their path as they have made their way through life; they are even beginning to change the way we handle death.

What really ticked me off were the words “death trough” and “is a windfall worth lusting over” not very comforting words when you have to plan a funeral is it. So be aware!

So I am sharing this to encourage you to help a family member or friend with some difficult and yet important planning both financially, legally and medically;

What is an Advance Health Care Directive (AHCD)?

An Advance Health Care Directive (AHCD) is a document that instructs others about your care should you be unable to make decisions on your own.

How do I create an Advance Health Care Directive?

Advance Health Care Directive forms are available by state CLICK HERE

Request a Free Financial Planning Resource Kit

Also, in my  November Heart of the Matter Newsletter I am including an article from a financial planner friend of mine who has some good advice for any of us who are and have been unprepared financially.

Share on Facebook

Maria spoke about grief in terms I know all of you understand. She said “grief can cause a disconnect between how you feel and how you think you’re supposed to behave, and cracks your heart into little pieces.”

California First Lady Maria Shriver began her speech by sharing some of the feelings, experiences and emotions she had this summer after both her mother, Eunice Kennedy Shriver, and her uncle, Senator Edward M. Kennedy’s passed away.

Maria was then joined by an amazing  group of women living in every stage of grief: actress and dancer Lisa Niemi (widow of Patrick Swayze), actress Susan St. James, and  Elizabeth Edwards.

Shriver began by asking Lisa Niemi, wife of Patrick Swayze, if it’s easier to let go if you know death is coming.  Lisa shared that she thought the long months of her husband’s illness would help her get used to the idea of loss but it didn’t. When Patrick’s death came, it made the “sadness and grief prior to that look like an intellectual concept.”

Susan St. James lost her son Teddy in a plane crash five years ago.  Shriver asked her, “Listening to Lisa, is the pain five years later still the same?”

Susan says it is and shared how she once told her husband that if she ever lost a child she’d never speak again.  But of course, right after the crash she had to deal with it.  “You take your character and then you choose how you’re going to go on.”

Elizabeth Edwards lost her son 14 years ago and she says, “The truth is you honor somebody by taking whatever greatness they had in their life and incorporate it…translate it into your own life as you move forward.”

Edwards went on to share, “You’re not going to get over it.  You’re never ever going to get over it.” And you don’t know what the trigger will be.  She shares how she dissolved into tears last week when she saw a picture of a young woman that’s the age her son would be right now. But you try to turn these things into something positive.

Maria also made the comment that “so many people don’t know what to say” and asked the panel about things that were said to them, the funniest being Susan St James who said that some guy said to her that he understood her loss because his dog died!

Maria Shriver ended the discussion by saying the most important thing is that the grieving process hasn’t beaten these women, “And you’re an inspiration to all of us.”

I encourage you to take a half an hour to listen to the interview you will find on this LINK. Click the play button on the viewer, the video starts with several other interviews, that personally I found very worthwhile, but should you want to skip forward to the interview with Maria Schriver move the slider on the timer to 1:22 minutes.

Maria Shriver, Elizabeth Edwards, Susan Saint James, Lisa Niemi

Share on Facebook

After the death of my husband, some of my fears were as follows, please send me your comments in the space below as to what were or are your fears?

• How will I ever get over this overwhelming sadness
• Unbelieving that he is actually gone
• How will my life go on without him
• How will I manage our business
• How will I financially make it

Share on Facebook