Grief can cause stress in a marriage
Grief can cause stress in a marriage particularly if a child dies because often the husband and wife grieve differently. Often women will cry and hide away at home alone and men will bury themselves in their work.
It is important to acknowledge each others grief and support that path. At the same time it is easy to lose sight of the need to support the marriage because your grief can become so debilitating. This is the time to seek help from a professional who is can give you tools to support the grieving process and the marriage. Some couples have told me the loss resulted in a closer relationship with their spouse, in either case know that you are together to support one another through good times and the bad and provide each other with hope.
Why do we regress during the holidays?
Holiday time is all about regression, we think alot about the past, what was and those loved ones no longer here that we celebrated the holidays with, this is why holiday time can be so difficult.
Family will often stop you from grieving during this time because they don’t want you to be sad so they won’t bring up the loved one that died. So often times its easier to be with friends who will let you talk about the great times you had with your deceased loved one. Talking is a part of grieving and just know that especially during the holiday season you moods might wave up and down because you should feel a longing for the ones that are no longer with you. Just know you will get through this time of year and you will even laugh and find joy. You might even feel guilt for being happy instead of being grief ridden – many people experience this too. Just know you will get through the holiday season as long as you feel hope and love from those you surround yourself with.
Wishing each one of you much joy during this holiday season.
in love & hope, JoAnne
The holidays are coming. How can you cope with them?
Here are some tips I want to share that will help in coping through the holiday season;
It is not only holidays that are difficult because there is an “empty chair,” but also anniversaries, birthdays, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and so on. Here are some effective ways to manage these special days:
- Plan ahead. How will you spend the day? With whom?
- Talk about your deceased loved one. This will let others know that you want to hear his/her name and to talk about that person.
- Establish personal priorities. Decide what you want to do, how you wish to celebrate, and with whom you wish to spend time. Follow your instincts.
- Express your feelings. If the holidays make you more weepy, then cry. If you feel the need to talk about the loss, then find a good friend who will listen.
- Value your memories. You loved, and the price of losing a loved one is pain. Cherish the time you had together and value your precious memories, which can never be taken away from you.
- Reach out to others. Take the focus off yourself and your pain by volunteering to help others.
- Avoid isolating yourself in grief. Just because you are in pain, do not cut yourself off from others. Stay in touch. Keep communication open with family, friends and colleagues. Accept invitations for social events, even if you do not feel like it.
- Be patient with yourself. A loss to death inflicts a deep wound but the wound will heal.
Tips To Find Gratitude in Grief
Thanksgiving is that family time when we all share a meal and talk about all that we are thankful for. Sometimes through grieving we can’t seem to find gratitude through our tears and sorrow, and you know what that’s OK for now – give yourself a reasonable amount of time. You will search your soul and find many things to be grateful for when you are ready, remember to focus on those still in your life, and the many blessings you have everyday such as a job that provides security and money, a home you have to shelter you, food on your table perhaps an animal that brings you joy and comfort. Yes, there are still many things to be thankful for during this holiday season even if you are grieving, and if you can focus your eyes on what is still here I guarantee you will some comfort in that.
Bless you and those you love.
Here is a great on-line gratitude log that is free, check it out: www.gratitudelog.com
Live Today to the Fullest
October 2, 2008 by JoAnne
Filed under emotions, HOPE and INSPIRATION, life losses
One day a woman’s husband died,
and on that clear, cold morning, in the warmth of their bedroom,
the wife was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn’t ‘anymore’..
No more hugs,
no more special moments to celebrate together, no more phone calls just to chat,
no more ‘just one minute.’
Sometimes, what we care about the most gets all used up and goes away, never to return before we can say good-bye, or say ’I love you.’
So while we have it, it’s best we love it, care for it, fix it when it’s broken and heal it when it’s sick.
This is true for marriage, and old cars, and children with bad report cards, and dogs with bad hips, family and aging parents and grandparents.
We keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it.
Some things we keep –
like a best friend who moved away or a sister-in-law after divorce.
There are just some things that make us happy, no matter what-
Life is important, we only have one, we only have one mom, one dad, one unique brother or sister or friend.
I received this from someone who thought I was a ‘keeper’!
So I am going to send it to the people I think of in the same way.
Now it’s your turn to tell all those people who are ‘keepers’ in your life.
Suppose one morning you never wake up, do all your friends and family know you love them? I was thinking…I could die today, tomorrow or next week, and I wondered if I had any wounds needing to be healed, friendships that needed rekindling, or three words needing to be said.
Let every one of your friends and family know you love them. Even if you think they don’t love you back, you would be amazed at what those three little words and a smile can do.
Live today to the fullest because tomorrow is not promised.
Feelings of Loss and Isolation
I spoke with a dear friend this past weekend who lost her husband 11 months ago, she was feeling sad and alone, steps we all go through as we walk the journey of loss. We as women go through stages of fear relating to finances, keeping our household together, loneliness, relationships old and new, our children’s well being and a myriad of other emotions that bring us fear.
As my friend related, someday’s all you can do is sit and cry and you know, that’s OK. Crying is a way of letting go and really we need to let go of our fears and with time comes hope and certainty that tomorrow will be better. So if today was a day of sadness that may have brought tears, know that’s OK, be good to yourself by doing some self-care, maybe a hot bath or treat yourself to a pedicure or a dinner out. You know what feels good, give yourself permission to say YES. And don’t forget to ask for help, we all experience days when we feel greater sadness, perhaps a little depression sets in, this is the time to reach out to those who love you. Be honest, tell them you are having a bad day and ask for what you need. From my experience what I often needed most when I was sad was just a friend to listen, let me cry and hold my hand. Remember, friends want to help and often they don’t know how so we need to tell people what we need. Isolating ourselves from others because we don’t want to “dump” on them is the worst mistake you can make and let me say you need to get over that! We are not meant to be alone in our suffering nor our joys, we are meant to share, so be brave and reach out to someone today.
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