Resilience

Today Elizabeth Edwards died after her long battle with cancer.  I so admired this woman who taught us much about resilience and facing life’s adversities.  She shared publicly her private moments of joy and sorrow all while holding her head high and using each step of her life as a teaching opportunity for her children.

Elizabeth Edwards seemed to face life with grace and dignity up to the end and on her own terms.  She was determined to spend her remaining days living,  according to the reports.   She had said that she had to reconcile with God , no longer as an intervening God because she new that was past but with a God where she seeks salvation and enlightenment. “It’s the God I have now” she said.

I have thought often about resilience myself, I believe I have found it for myself, but have YOU?  Do you believe you have or can be resilient?

Is resilience a learned skill?  Or are we born with a gene that makes us more resilient than someone else?  Is our resilience predictable?  How do we measure resilience?  I hadn’t thought much about this until 2005 when I experienced the most devastating year of my life and my own resilience was tested following the deaths of my mother, husband and uncle.  I know that first couple of years I wondered how I would survive let alone how would I thrive and feel joy again, but I did.  I am resilient and I am living life with joy, on my own terms.

My Dad taught me a great lesson while following my mom’s death and while he was with me helping me following my husbands death, he said “JoAnne, we just play the cards we’re dealt, we might not like it but we just do what we need to do.” I have encountered a number of adversities in my life and yet here I am, I keep pulling myself up by my boot straps, wipe away my tears, yell out in frustration occasionally and keep living.

Elizabeth Edwards said in her book Resilience, “I have said before that I do not know what the most important lesson is that I will ever teach my children, Cate and Emma Claire and Jack. I do know that when they are older and telling their own children about their grandmother, they will be able to say that she stood in the storm, and when the wind did not go her way — and surely it has not — she adjusted her sails.”

Rest in peace dearest Elizabeth, thank you for sharing apart of your life with us…

Are you resilient?  How have you lived life since your loss?  Please, share your comments below;

You can get Elizabeth Edwards book “Resilience” though Amazon, click the link below;

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Permission To Heal, Recover & Find Joy Again

You are responsible for how you feel and making the choice to find joy again.

Yes, we must accept the responsibility for our own happiness.  It’s taking the first step that is often the most difficult to say and to actually do.  So many people feel guilt over having fun again, laughing and socializing.  For some reason we don’t feel worthy of a life of joy if our loved one who died can be here.

How do you take the first step?

Often times with the help of a grief support group you get strength from the other members of the group who are all experiencing what you are!  There is something to be gained from the support of a group and if you haven’t considered this option, it might be worth seeking out a group in your area.

If the group support isn’t your thing but you need professional support you should consider private counseling with someone who specializes in family & grief support.  In addition there are many life coaches who are trained in life transition who provide guidance and hold you accountable to moving forward.  This option works well with business people because they relate to this type of experience.

Find a buddy to help move you forward.  This could be a family member who is grieving the same death as you are, or it can be a friend who understands due to their own life experiences.  Many people can be a supportive buddy and it doesn’t specifically have to be someone who has experienced death.  Someone who has lost a job can be a good person because they would understand loss. Another good buddy would be someone who is positive, and fun to be around, this person is enthusiastic and optimistic.

Tell your buddy that you are looking for positive support and that you want to heal and find joy again.  For me I clarified that I want to talk about my husband, because that was comforting, but at the same time I wanted to make steps to move ahead with my life.  So be clear with your buddy what you want and also how you want their support.

Maybe you’ve decided to go it alone, that’s OK. Many people have a God given strength and are able to “play the cards they’re dealt” (my Dad uses that term).  If you are a loner so to speak, I admire your strength and ability to persevere. I just caution you not to let all your emotions for the person who died stay bottled up inside if in fact you really want to cry or express your feelings in another way.  I also caution you not to be isolated as an escape from dealing more openly with your grief.

(by the way, my Dad has handled my Mother’s Death with grace, dignity and has the strength to keep living his life-without any help.  I think he’s doing pretty good!)

I will talk more about the steps to joy in future posts.

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