Sadness as a Part of the Journey to Healing
Sadness can be the most hurtful feeling on your journey through grief. But sadness is natural, and an authentic emotion following the death of a loved one. Allowing yourself to feel the sadness is in large part what your journey toward healing is all about according to Dr Alan Wolfelt. 
Grieving Changes – Breast Cancer & Widows
October 4, 2009 by JoAnne
Filed under grief, GRIEF SUPPORT
October is Breast Cancer Awareness month and I bet everyone reading this has been touched by this insidious disease, either personally or through a friend or relative. Breast cancer is one of those few cancers that can leave a woman disfigured, leaving her often grieving how her body used to look and how she used to feel as a woman.
She grieves in many of the same ways as I have as a widow. I grieved for a life I used to have and was forced to find a new normal, so does she.
A woman with breast cancer often wonders how she will handle dating, sex and her self esteem, again similar stages of grief that a widow faces.
Often a woman with cancer will have daily reminders after her treatment ends of her loss – her loss of hair and often her breasts, a widow has reminders of her loss seeing pictures of her partner on every shelf reminders of a life gone by.
Both cancer patients and those of us grieving loss are faced everyday with the fear of what the next day, week or month will bring during the grieving and healing process.
During this month of awareness I recognize that loss and that grief come in many different forms and a thought I wanted to share with you.
Loss and grief surrounds us everyday, perhaps this awareness will make each of us more compassionate & hopeful with those who grieve loss in whatever form it takes.
I met a beautiful woman named Stephanie Sowder last week who has a line of butterfly jewelry to honor and support those whose lives are touched by cancer. The butterfly is a symbol of life. If interested you can check it out here: www.butterflyoflife.com
The Shack-Story of Heartache To Healing
February 7, 2009 by JoAnne
Filed under grief, healing, Hope, HOPE and INSPIRATION, Inspiration
If you haven’t read the book, “The Shack”, I highly recommend it to everyone. It is a loving story of a man’s journey through grief, faith and forgiveness. I don’t want to say more for those who haven’t read it yet, but it is a real page turner.
Today I had the honor of meeting the author, William Paul Young at a book signing event and later that evening to hear him speak. I now am convinced even more than I have always been that many people through personal tragedy are lead to help others. Wm. Paul Young will help many with this story of heartache to healing.
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Putting a band-aid on grieving
January 30, 2009 by JoAnne
Filed under grief, HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH GRIEF
After talking with some friends recently about their journey through grief I have come to the conclusion that in the American culture we tend to just put a band-aid on the grieving process. What do I mean by that? well, we want people to just “get over” things in this country, we’re always in a hurry to the next thing in our lives. We’re busy working to make a living for 8-12 hours a day including the commute (unless you’re in California, then that doesn’t include the commute) and then we rush home to eat fast-food because we’re too busy to cook a meal from scratch and then we rush our children off to their activities to come home and do laundry, pay bills and other miscellaneous activities in our rushed lives. Everyone has expectations of us performing those tasks I just mentioned and so we feel guilty enough to lead this crazy life to meet the expectations. So what I see happening to people who lose someone to death is interesting…our employer sends their condolences and after about a week or so wants to know when you’re coming back to work, so you put a band-aid on your grieving and buck up to return as quickly as you can to your job. Your children want you to stop crying and get back to meeting their needs and so the cycle begins. Why do we not respect grief and allow ourselves and others time to put their grief in perspective before we spend them back into the world? Do companies offer “grief leave” just like they would honor maternity leave? Nope, we just expect each other to GET OVER IT and move on. I’m not suggesting life comes to a stop completely, but maybe just maybe it should for a couple of weeks so the griever can come to some terms about their loss before they are forced back into life as they knew it. Something to think about……..
Grief can cause stress in a marriage
Grief can cause stress in a marriage particularly if a child dies because often the husband and wife grieve differently. Often women will cry and hide away at home alone and men will bury themselves in their work.
It is important to acknowledge each others grief and support that path. At the same time it is easy to lose sight of the need to support the marriage because your grief can become so debilitating. This is the time to seek help from a professional who is can give you tools to support the grieving process and the marriage. Some couples have told me the loss resulted in a closer relationship with their spouse, in either case know that you are together to support one another through good times and the bad and provide each other with hope.
Why do we regress during the holidays?
Holiday time is all about regression, we think alot about the past, what was and those loved ones no longer here that we celebrated the holidays with, this is why holiday time can be so difficult.
Family will often stop you from grieving during this time because they don’t want you to be sad so they won’t bring up the loved one that died. So often times its easier to be with friends who will let you talk about the great times you had with your deceased loved one. Talking is a part of grieving and just know that especially during the holiday season you moods might wave up and down because you should feel a longing for the ones that are no longer with you. Just know you will get through this time of year and you will even laugh and find joy. You might even feel guilt for being happy instead of being grief ridden – many people experience this too. Just know you will get through the holiday season as long as you feel hope and love from those you surround yourself with.
Wishing each one of you much joy during this holiday season.
in love & hope, JoAnne
Write About Your Feelings
As you attempt to deal with your sadness, anger, and fear you may find it helpful to write about those feelings. Writing about your feelings helps to unload some of that pressure because it gives you a way to express your emotions. Grief is a journey and grieving is a process, writing is a tool that can help you on your journey to heal.
Some find it helpful to write letters to those they’ve lost, others write their feelings in a journal which is what I do and still others may write in blogs or grief forums such as this. Choose a tool that works for you, trust your intuition and write whatever your heart is feeling. You will change, your writing will change and you will write for yourself or be inspired to write for others as I do here.
If you feel inspired to share, please write your comments after any of the postings you read on this blog, sharing with others is a healing experience so let’s pass it on!
I always welcome your personal comments by emailing me at: joanne@heartachetohealing.com
Do you need to heal from misdirected anger?
Anger. We all experience it, some more than others like those who are grieving a loss. That applies to loss from death, divorce or even a job loss.
Anger does not necessarily follow a logical path. Different people will focus their anger in different directions. For instance, you might be angry with people or at circumstances surrounding your loss, or you may be angry at the person you lost – that could even be an ex-spouse who you are angry at for the loss of a marriage.
In any case, is your anger misdirected to those you think are responsible for the loss or are you just angry. For me I will say in no uncertain terms that I was pissed off angry when my husband died and left me alone to sort out our life – but I will say with time the anger subsided and with time I actually softened and healed. I wasn’t really angry at him as much as I was sad for my loss.
So is your anger misdirected? Maybe…….but you will heal with time.
Touch Someone Else’s Life
Sometimes the best remedy for grief is to find ways to touch someone else’s life. This is something that has helped me and I’ve seen it help others I know as well. Through your own grief try opening up and observing the needs around you, there will be ways you can take your own experiences and develop skills to help others in need. Often time grief can isolate and create loneliness, volunteering is a good way to get back into life regardless of your age. Seniors can volunteer in their communities, churches and senior centers. Younger people can volunteer to serve in so many ways, a great resource is Volunteer Match, a website where you put in your zip code and a list of all volunteer activities in your area are listed. You can find volunteer activities just about anywhere, just be open to serve.
If your loved one died from an illness, perhaps a meaningful volunteer position would be for the non-profit doing research on that disease. Choose something meaningful because I guarantee this will help you heal and benefit others along the way.
Grieving Multiple Losses
June 24, 2008 by admin
Filed under grief, Inspiration, loss
If you have ever experienced multiple losses like I did when I lost my Mom and husband within a month of each other as well as an Uncle a few months later you know this will extend your journey through grief. Past losses can include the deaths of loved ones and pets, jobs, many are losing homes, and people move away. If you have not dealt with these losses, you may have feelings of regret, sadness and even anger that will affect how you grieve your current loss, so be sure you acknowledge each loss for they all held meaning in your life.
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