Memorial Day – A Day to Remember

Memorial Day is that day we set aside to honor those who have served in our military and died.  Regardless of our political opinions on war and the military, today let us all honor those who had the courage to serve this country with honor.  I thank you.

On this memorial weekend many people honor and pay respects to loved ones who have died.  I accompanied my Dad to visit the graves of my Mom, my grand parents, aunts and uncles.  We reminisced   about fond memories, shared a laugh or two as well as a private reflection.  I smiled as my Dad brushed off the dirt from the headstone where my Mom was laid to rest, pulled a couple of weeds and replaced old flowers with new.  He spoke a few words out loud to her and I was sure she was listening.

As we drove out of the cemetary I was deeply moved by the hundreds of flags I saw waving in the wind honoring those who died in service of our country, and all the beauty of the new flowers brightly adorning a site where someone was remembered.  Visiting a cemetary can be an important ritual to mourning because it helps us embrace our loss and remember those who have died.   If the body was cremated and the ashes not buried such as the case with my late husband, you may chose to visit the site where you scattered the ashes. Whatever rituals we choose to honor our loved ones who have died, it’s a time to give pause and thanks for those people who have shared your life.

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Do you need to heal from misdirected anger?

Anger. We all experience it, some more than others like those who are grieving a loss. That applies to loss from death, divorce or even a job loss.

Anger does not necessarily follow a logical path. Different people will focus their anger in different directions. For instance, you might be angry with people or at circumstances surrounding your loss, or you may be angry at the person you lost – that could even be an ex-spouse who you are angry at for the loss of a marriage.

In any case, is your anger misdirected to those you think are responsible for the loss or are you just angry. For me I will say in no uncertain terms that I was pissed off angry when my husband died and left me alone to sort out our life – but I will say with time the anger subsided and with time I actually softened and healed. I wasn’t really angry at him as much as I was sad for my loss.

So is your anger misdirected? Maybe…….but you will heal with time.

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Grieving Multiple Losses

If you have ever experienced multiple losses like I did when I lost my Mom and husband within a month of each other as well as an Uncle a few months later you know this will extend your journey through grief. Past losses can include the deaths of loved ones and pets, jobs, many are losing homes, and people move away. If you have not dealt with these losses, you may have feelings of regret, sadness and even anger that will affect how you grieve your current loss, so be sure you acknowledge each loss for they all held meaning in your life.

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What Do You Fear From Loss?

We all have fear surrounding the death of a loved one, and I think addressing those fears will help you in the grieving and healing process.

After the death of my husband, some of my fears were as follows, please send me your comments in the space below as to what were or are your fears?

• How will I ever get over this overwhelming sadness
• Unbelieving that he is actually gone
• How will my life go on without him
• How will I manage our business
• How will I financially make it

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Lessons From Loss are Lessons in Living Life

There are many lessons I have learned through loss, and I am coming to understand now that I probably knew these lessons all along, in other words they were within me, my core, who I am. However it took the tragedy of loss for me to remember those lessons and have the courage to take action and affirm how precious life is. I am not here to dwell on loss but rather support you in life.

Healing a broken heart can be done with time, courage and the desire to heal. Going through the grieving process and healing comes from within but we are not meant to walk the journey alone. Asking for the support of family and friends is necessary and perhaps spiritual healing from clergy or any spiritual advisor. From whomever gives you comfort, they too will help you to living life again.

Loss can bring clarity to your life and to the things that matter most, don’t ignore that. There is no going back for a do over, but there is another day to live a life of joy. Take each day as it comes, be grateful for where you are and what you have NOW, and be open to new possibilities. You can’t change the past, but you can direct the wind in your sails for the future.

For an inspirational read about the true value of living life, Please take the time to read - “The Last Lecture” by Randy Pausch

“We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.”
–Randy Pausch

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