Heartache to Healing http://heartachetohealing.com/blog Grief Support Sun, 07 Mar 2010 05:50:29 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 en hourly 1 The Other Day In Home Depot http://heartachetohealing.com/blog/the-other-day-in-home-depot.htm http://heartachetohealing.com/blog/the-other-day-in-home-depot.htm#comments Sun, 07 Mar 2010 05:50:29 +0000 JoAnne http://heartachetohealing.com/blog/?p=1036 Just the other day I had to run into Home Depot searching for something for my house and as I wandered the aisles this great wave of anxiety and some sadness hit me like a pile of bricks…I remembered all the trips I made to Home Depot while my late husband was remodeling our house and he would send me out to pick something up and inevitably I would call him from the store because I couldn’t quite figure out what he wanted.

So as I wandered the aisles that day I thought, I have no one to call and ask if I was getting the right part? It’s funny how these emotions hit you in the most unexpected times and places.  

As I was driving home the pictures that reminded me of times gone by kept flashing in front of me like an old movie and I took some deep breathes and just went with it, let the feelings flow and the memories stay alive within me just one more time. 

As the years go by there still are times when something sets me back in time to remember the life I once had, it’s usually the little things that set my heart beating a little faster and the tears well up in my eyes, I’ve just learned that one one thing ends, something else begins and I am want to be open for whatever that is.

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Share/Bookmark]]> http://heartachetohealing.com/blog/the-other-day-in-home-depot.htm/feed 1 Attainable and Measurable Goals Are Part of the Grief Journey http://heartachetohealing.com/blog/attainable-and-measurable-goals-are-part-of-the-grief-journey.htm http://heartachetohealing.com/blog/attainable-and-measurable-goals-are-part-of-the-grief-journey.htm#comments Fri, 26 Feb 2010 16:00:50 +0000 JoAnne http://heartachetohealing.com/blog/?p=979 I read this article By Harriet Hodgson and wanted to share it with
you because the idea of setting goals for yourself in the grief
process may seem a little out of your realm of comprehension, and
yet I hope you will see some value for yourself by the end of the
article.
———————————————————————————
Setting new goals helps you continue your grief journey. I learned
this lesson from experience. After my daughter and father-in-law
died on the same February weekend I started thinking about goals.
Thinking was hard because I was overcome with grief and stress.

The loss of a child, no matter what their age, is devastating and
my first goal was to make it to the next hour. Then I vowed to make
it through the morning, through an afternoon, and through an entire
day. I worked on these goals and was making progress when my
brother had a heart attack and died. Three loved ones were gone
forever.

In November of the same year my former son-in-law died suddenly, a
tragedy that made my twin grandchildren orphans. Instantly, my
goals shifted from me to my grandchildren — my top priority. The
Cancer Net website discusses priorities and goals in its article,
“Coping with Change After a Loss.” Death changes your life and,
according to the article, “It may also be necessary to change
priorities for practical reasons.”

My twin grandchildren were 15 1/2 when they moved in with my
husband and me. At first my goals for them were basic: cook healthy
meals, get them settled, and research counseling options. As the
months passed these goals grew to include supporting school
activities, helping with homework (when asked), and having fun
together as a family.

Angela Morrow, RN, writes about goal setting in her article,
“Letting Go of Grief: Entering a New Season in Life.” Morrow thinks
mourners should set one goal for the coming year, another goal for
the second year after loss, and a third goal for the fifth year
after loss. “Having goals to work towards will keep you moving on
your new journey,” she writes.

Raising teenagers at this stage of life was a challenge and my
goals should meet this challenge. I read Internet articles about
setting goals and one, on the Top Achievement website, “Creating
S.M.A.R.T. Goals,” by Gene Donohue, was really helpful. The word
“smart” stands for specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and
timely. “When you identify goals that are most important to you,”
Dononue notes, “you begin to figure out ways you can make them come
true.”

I applied the S.M.A.R.T. approach to grief recovery goals. My first
goal was go get the twins safely and lovingly to their 18th
birthdays. We reached this goal last week. Goal two would be
getting them through high school. College graduation would come
next, and if the twins wanted it, graduate school. Diplomas would
be the measurable outcomes of these goals.

These are attainable goals and, most important, will prepare my
grandchildren for life. I will have to take good care of myself and
follow my doctor’s orders to reach these goals. This goal setting
has been a surprising chapter in my grief journey. You may have
surprises, too, as your journey evolves. Enjoy them.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Harriet_Hodgson
http://EzineArticles.com/?Surprising,-Attainable-and-Measurable-Goals-Are-Part-of-the-Grief-Journey&id=3798510

“How To Write the Right Words to Comfort” – By JoAnne Funch40 Ways to Write Words of Comfort to Anyone Going Through Life’s Most Difficult Situations

click here

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Share/Bookmark]]> http://heartachetohealing.com/blog/attainable-and-measurable-goals-are-part-of-the-grief-journey.htm/feed 0 Where is God in Grief? http://heartachetohealing.com/blog/where-is-god-in-grief.htm http://heartachetohealing.com/blog/where-is-god-in-grief.htm#comments Fri, 19 Feb 2010 17:00:37 +0000 JoAnne http://heartachetohealing.com/blog/?p=975 By Christine Sandor

Crisis of most any kind brings our spirituality to the forefront of our world. The death and loss of a loved one is a traumatic time and one during which we often turn to our spirituality for support. Witnessing or experiencing the passing of one we love, is a harsh reminder of our own mortality and can easily induce questions about our own life worth. Our spiritual beliefs provide a meaning, if you will, to the dying process and death itself. It is through these beliefs that comfort is often found.

The term “spirituality,” does not necessarily refer to the religion with which you identify. Though certainly spirituality and religion are often viewed as one and the same, they are just as often seen as complete opposites. There is a broader meaning. Spirituality for many consist of relationships, meanings that are given to life and death, and our passion, commitments, and connections. For some, religion is where they go to church or temple, whereas spirituality is found in nature, meditation, or a personal relationship with a named or unnamed higher power. It not necessarily a creed-it is a way of being.

Understanding how we make sense of life helps us tremendously in how we make sense of death. There is a connection between the places in which we have found meaning in our world and what we perceive to be the meaning of the end of life as we know it. Those places and situations can change throughout our lives, as well. What you knew and believed as a child may not be what you adhere to now. It is helpful to look at how you have progressed and changed on your own spiritual journey.

The death of a loved one suddenly reminds us of our own mortality. It is a time at which we seem to automatically consider what really happens after death. We find ourselves thinking about what really does happen when the body ceases to function. Our spiritual understanding is the only resource we have at this time, as we often have no personal experience to help us. Unless you are among those who have had a near-death experience yourself, knowing whether there is an after-life and what it is like is based solely on what our religious background and current belief system have suggested.

Often it is our spiritual beliefs that decrease our anxiety and fears about death. Embracing your beliefs and spirituality can ease your worries.

Pray is an important piece of this process. If we think in terms of our thoughts being prayers to the Universe, we are always praying! There is, of course, absolutely nothing wrong with folding our hands, kneeling down, and asking the God of our beings to assist us and others. Prayer in this manner is perhaps more beneficial for us. What we are doing when we pray for help, is turning our problems over to the Divine. There comes a time when we are so overwhelmed that turning it over to God is precisely what we need to do. Experiencing grief is one of those times.

As part of the healing process, having a place to take the feelings and share them helps us to not always have to hold onto them, especially when they become too overpowering. The act of “giving it over to God” can be a powerful release for many. In some religions there are specific prayers for the dead. In Jewish tradition, for instance, the Kaddish, also known as the “The Mourners’ Kaddish,” is said as part of the mourning rituals in services, as well as at funerals and memorials. In other traditions, the 23rd Psalm is often recited, or a rosary is said. Some feel that prayer is one of the greatest acts of charity that can be given for the departed. It certainly has the ability to relieve anxiety and even depression.

Grief is a difficult process. By turning to God of our being our Spiritual understanding we are able to seek guidance on the road to healing.

Christine is the author of “This is not Goodbye: A holistic guide to helping children” And “Warming the Stone Children.” She is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Ordained Minister. Her work can be seen at her site: http://www.christinesandor.com.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Christine_Sandor


http://EzineArticles.com/?Where-is-God-in-Our-Grief?&id=3644849

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Share/Bookmark]]> http://heartachetohealing.com/blog/where-is-god-in-grief.htm/feed 2 Grief Rituals, Creating Them Will Help You Heal http://heartachetohealing.com/blog/grief-rituals-creating-them-will-help-you-heal.htm http://heartachetohealing.com/blog/grief-rituals-creating-them-will-help-you-heal.htm#comments Tue, 26 Jan 2010 17:09:17 +0000 JoAnne http://heartachetohealing.com/blog/?p=963 For all of you who listened to my teleseminar last week, you know we discussed rituals and why they are important in the healing process.  As a follow-up to that, I want to share the article below which gives some great examples of rituals and how they might apply to you.

ByHarriet Hodgson

Each society has its own rituals. These rituals connect us with support groups. Personal rituals also help you to heal. In fact, they may be more meaningful because you created them. What is a ritual? The dictionary defines it as “an established or prescribed procedure for a religious or other rite.” Another definition is “any practice or pattern of behavior repeated in a prescribed manner reminiscent of ritual.”

I am not a ritual kind of person. After four loved ones died in 2007, however, I created a few simple rituals to honor them. Each morning, when I awaken, I make a pledge to my daughter. This pledge, “I will not fail you Helen,” is for her children — the grandchildren I am raising. When I say the pledge tears come to my eyes.

We need rituals in order to heal. Rev. William Purdy, DD, Vice President or Provider Relations Continuum Hospice Care in New York City, makes this point in his article, “Giving Grief Ritual.” Despite the tragedy of September 11th, “for a significant number of people whose loved ones died unexpected deaths, ritual grieving remains unexplored,” he writes.

In a Santa Fe Care website article, “Using Rituals to Heal Grief,” rituals are described as symbolic and dynamic. According to the article, rituals strengthen human bonds, provide a support system, honor the sacred, encourage expression, and include artistic expression. In fact, some of the world’s greatest artworks, such as the Taj Mahal, have come from grief.

“Expressing Grief Through Your Own Rituals,” an article on the Dummies website, says rituals have established steps. You only need three things — place, time, activities — to create a ritual. Some mourners use shrines for their rituals. According to the article, a mourner should “adopt an attitude of loving care and great awareness” when using the ritual.

At first, my morning pledge was an unconscious response to grief. Now the pledge is a conscious one and just as meaningful. Other personal rituals include the use of linking objects. At Christmas time I get out my daughter’s ornaments and put them on the tree. Fixing my loved ones’ favorite foods has also become a ritual. Your rituals may be similar to mine.

Rituals help us recover from grief and, if you do not have any yet, think about creating them. A shrine, for example, may be as simple as your loved one’s photo and a single rose. Using your deceased father’s tools or your deceased mother’s dishes can also be rituals. When you don’t need the ritual any more, you may discard it without feeling guilty.

Your loved one is part of you and always will be.

Copyright 2010 by Harriet Hodgson http://www.harriethodgson.com
Harriet Hodgson has been an independent journalist for decades. She is a member of the American Society of Journalists and Authors, Association of Health Care Journalists, and Association for Death Education and Counseling. Her 24th book, “Smiling Through Your Tears: Anticipating Grief,” written with Lois Krahn, MD, is available from Amazon
Centering Corporation has published her 26th book, “Writing to Recover: The Journey from Loss and Grief to a New Life” and a companion journal with 100 writing prompts. Hodgson is a monthly comunist for “Caregiving in America” magazine. Please visit her website and learn more about this busy author and grandmother.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Grief-Rituals---Creating-Them-Will-Help-You-Heal&id=3571384] Grief Rituals – Creating Them Will Help You Heal

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Share/Bookmark]]> http://heartachetohealing.com/blog/grief-rituals-creating-them-will-help-you-heal.htm/feed 0 How Will The Haitians Grieve Their Loved Ones http://heartachetohealing.com/blog/how-will-the-haitians-grieve-their-loved-ones.htm http://heartachetohealing.com/blog/how-will-the-haitians-grieve-their-loved-ones.htm#comments Sat, 23 Jan 2010 17:56:45 +0000 JoAnne http://heartachetohealing.com/blog/?p=959 The grief in Haiti is unimaginable; we have all seen the visual images of the death and destruction. CNN has reported that a government official said the death toll from the January 12th 7.0-magnitude earthquake may exceed between 100,000-200,000. The exact number is unknown and may remain unknown.

About 3 million people — one-third of Haiti’s population — were affected by the quake, the Red Cross said.

In addition to the physical suffering, there is the grief.  Grief is the normal and natural emotional response to loss.  I learned through some research* that the majority of the people are Catholics or Protestants, whose practice is to provide last rites to the dead and a proper burial.  The main Cathedral in Port Au Prince has crumbled; there will be no prayer vigils and no funeral masses for the dead.

There is an Afro-Creole view called Vodou (Voodoo) which is also practiced in Haiti.  The belief is that people are born and people died and this is simply the cycle of life, death and rebirth.  When the body dies the spirit moves on.  The belief is that the spirit moves through the water.  Looking into the water then, you see the land of the recent dead where the soul goes and it is said they stay there for a year and a day floating and resting. Then they are brought up in a ceremony and released to go on to God.

Vodou is actually helpful in that it functions as a social support network, through community congregations.  Every person in the tradition has access to spirits that govern the realm of death.  The spirits escort the people into the realm of death.  The belief is that death is part of life to be laughed at and death is something that takes everyone in the end.

Rituals are important to healing from grief; they offer a sense of being connected and offer the opportunity to let out emotions.   It seems the Haitian’s are being robbed of the basic burial rituals and mourning the dead in traditional ways will not be possible because so many bodies have been buried in mass graves.  Many families will never know where there dead lie.

My hope is that they find comfort in their religious belief’s, and with those family and friends that a have survived.  What can we do to let them know they are not alone and offer comfort? How can we offer hope to people in a situation that appears so hopeless? Except for offering prayers, I don’t know.  But if I find some answers, I will let you know.  If you have suggestions, let us know by commenting below.

*Elizabeth McAlister, Associate Professor of religion at Wesleyan University

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Share/Bookmark]]> http://heartachetohealing.com/blog/how-will-the-haitians-grieve-their-loved-ones.htm/feed 0 2010 Handbook of Life’s Best Reminders for Living http://heartachetohealing.com/blog/2010-handbook-of-lifes-best-reminders-for-living.htm http://heartachetohealing.com/blog/2010-handbook-of-lifes-best-reminders-for-living.htm#comments Fri, 01 Jan 2010 16:19:33 +0000 JoAnne http://heartachetohealing.com/blog/?p=947 A friend emailed this to me and I thought it was worth sharing the ideas in the 2010 HANDBOOK

Sometimes we need to be reminded about simple and inspiring ways to live a more meaningful life, that what the following ideas do for me.

Health:

1. Drink plenty of water.

2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.

3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants..

4. Live with the 3 E’s — Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy

5. Make time to pray.

6. Play more games

7. Read more books than you did in 2009 .

8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day

9. Sleep for 7 hours..

10. Take a 10-30 minute walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:

11. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

12. Don’t have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

13. Don’t over do. Keep your limits.

14. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

15. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip.

16. Dream more while you are awake

17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..

18. Forget issues of the past. Don’t remind your partner with His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.

19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don’t hate others.

20. Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.

21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

23. Smile and laugh more.

24. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree…

Society:

25. Call your family often.

26. Each day give something good to others.

27. Forgive everyone for everything..

28. Spend time w/ people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.

29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

30. What other people think of you is none of your business.

31. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:

32. Do the right thing!

33. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

34. GOD heals everything.

35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change..

36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

37. The best is yet to come..

38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.

39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

Happy New Year one and all, remember Happiness Matters!

Check out the popular Happiness Matter’s T-Shirt from the Circle of Strength on-line store!  CLICK HERE

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Share/Bookmark]]> http://heartachetohealing.com/blog/2010-handbook-of-lifes-best-reminders-for-living.htm/feed 0 Explore Simple Questions for the New Year http://heartachetohealing.com/blog/explore-simple-questions-for-the-new-year.htm http://heartachetohealing.com/blog/explore-simple-questions-for-the-new-year.htm#comments Wed, 30 Dec 2009 23:24:24 +0000 JoAnne http://heartachetohealing.com/blog/?p=939 Christmas Hope

I wish you hope

This week, we welcome a New Year into our lives. This is a good time for us to see what is to be released, what is to be kept and improved, and what is to be brought in.  How can we heal our grief?  Take time to ask and explore these simple questions:

What shall I now release from my life?
What or who no longer works for me?
What am I holding on to that holds me back?
What thoughts or beliefs belong to the old me?
How am I being unloving to myself?
Am I ready to let go?
What do I believe that really works for me?
What is going on in my life that is terrific and wonderful?
Where am I being very loving to myself?
Where am I most content?
Let me acknowledge myself for all the growth and change.
What do I want to bring to my life?
What do I want to create?
How do I want the next year to be?
Who do I want to bring into my world?
How do I want to look?
What image do I want to project?
How healthy do I want to be?
How prosperous do I want to feel?
How much love am I willing to experience?
What kind of world do I want to live in?
Where do I want my spirituality to go?

Affirmation:
I know that where I am is the totality of possibilities . . . not just a few possibilities, but the totality of all creation.
I am not limited by statistics, medical opinions, time, or authorities.
I am one with the infinite wisdom and capabilities of the Universe itself.
All good is available to me, right here and right now.
All I have to do is to use the power of my thoughts to create that which I desire. I know that. Now let me live it!

~ from Louise Hay

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Share/Bookmark]]> http://heartachetohealing.com/blog/explore-simple-questions-for-the-new-year.htm/feed 0 How Long Should You Tell Your Grief Story? http://heartachetohealing.com/blog/how-long-should-you-tell-your-grief-story.htm http://heartachetohealing.com/blog/how-long-should-you-tell-your-grief-story.htm#comments Wed, 23 Dec 2009 01:20:39 +0000 JoAnne http://heartachetohealing.com/blog/?p=935 By Harriet Hodgson

Last week my husband and I went to a holiday party. We enjoyed the food, piano music, and visiting with friends. As we prepared to leave, a friend asked what I was doing these days. When I told her we were raising our twin grandchildren because their parents had died in separate car crashes, her jaw dropped.
“That’s unbelievable,” she said.

Another person overheard our conversation and was obviously uncomfortable with my honesty. This is not the first time this has happened. Years ago I had a similar experience. I answered a question honestly and a guest commented, “Please don’t spoil the party.” She was partially right. There is a time and place to tell your story, but sometimes you tell it because you are surprised or caught off guard.

You have a story to tell. But Vamik D. Vokan, MD and Elizabeth Zintl, in their book “Life After Loss,” say the American culture prohibits the expression of grief. “We are a culture of death deniers,” they write. Death deniers, which may include family members and friends, do not want any connection with your pain. Yet you must tell your story in order to cope, do your grief work, and create a new life.

Grief changes you forever. Not telling your story is to deny your identity and life experience. Though you are temporarily lost in the darkness, telling your story helps you find your way through grief. At least, that is my experience after losing four loved ones in nine months. If you are like me, you may have wondered how long you should tell your story.

Tell your story until you can do it without sobbing. In other words, you are starting to accept loss. Judith Viorst writes about this in her book, “Necessary Losses.” Some mourn quietly, she explains, while others mourn vocally. We experience terror, tears, and terrible emotions. “In our own different ways, having managed someow to work our way thorugh our confrontations and unacceptable losses, we can begin to come to the end of mourning.”

Tell your story until you can idenfity feelings. Repeating your story will help you identify confusion, anger, frustration, and stress. You may also recognize feelings of aloneness and abandonment. I didn’t realize how worried I was about money until I wrote an article about tracking down my deceased daughter’s assets. Getting feelings out in the open helps you cope with them.

Tell your story until it gets shorter. Your story will change over time. Though it still includes the basics — cause of death, memorial service, secondary losses, and other facts — you start to condense your story. Surprising as it seems now, the time will come when you can summarize your story in a few sentences. This is a sign of reconciliation.

Tell your story until you start to see progress. Humor may start to creep back into your story. The results of your grief work become apparent. You may use more positive words. Repeating your story will help you reinvent yourself. Today, I give talks about grief to help others. How long should you tell your story? As long as you need to, and then hold it close to your heart.

heart-from-logo-copy
Copyright 2009 by Harriet Hodgson http://www.harriethodgson.com

Harriet Hodgson has been an independent journalists for decades. She is a member of the American Society of Journalists and Authors, Association of Health Care Journalists, and Association for Death Education and Counseling. Her 24th book, “Smiling Through Your Tears: Anticipating Grief,” written with Lois Krahn, MD, is available from Amazon.

Centering Corporation has published her 26th book, “Writing to Recover: The Journey from Loss and Grief to a New Life” and a companion journal with 100 writing prompts. Please visit Harriet’s website and learn more about this busy author and grandmother.

Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?How-Long-Should-You-Tell-Your-Grief-Story?&id=3460063] How Long Should You Tell Your Grief Story?

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Share/Bookmark]]> http://heartachetohealing.com/blog/how-long-should-you-tell-your-grief-story.htm/feed 2 How did you cope the first year of grief? http://heartachetohealing.com/blog/how-did-you-cope-the-first-year-of-grief.htm http://heartachetohealing.com/blog/how-did-you-cope-the-first-year-of-grief.htm#comments Wed, 16 Dec 2009 15:02:01 +0000 JoAnne http://heartachetohealing.com/blog/?p=917 I recently sent out an email letting you know that you can help others who will be grieving a loss of their loved one by sharing your tips for surviving the first year of grief in a new book called “Grief’s First Year.”
The first year of grief seems to be the toughest to get through according to all of you who I hear from on the Heartache To Healing site. We can help those new to grief by sharing what we learned to survive the first year.

Submit your short story of tips that you think will benefit someone else who might experience a similar loss to yours.

When you submit your story, include your name, name of the deceased you might be referring to in your story and your relationship to that person. Be sure to include your contact information so I can get in touch with you. Please send your tips to me by January 30th.

EMAIL ME:  joanne@heartachetohealing.com

If you are unsure of what to write, let me share a recent submission;

My name is Anne, and my husband, JB, died suddenly of a stroke at the age of 43 in August 2003.  We have 4 children, who at the time, ranged in age from 3 to 10.  I had always thought that if something ever happened to JB, I too, would die.  But somehow, every morning I woke up and found myself still breathing.  And with 4 kids who really needed me I was able to get up, make their breakfast, and get them off to school.  I was going through the motions, but that’s o.k. That’s how it starts.

It definitely wasn’t easy.  But I discovered a lot of things.  One, let people help you – now’s not the time to do it all yourself or be too prideful to accept help.  Friends and family can’t bring your loved one back, but they can make your life a little easier.  LET THEM!  It helps them as much as it helps you.  Even if it’s something you can do yourself, accept their offer graciously.  I had meals brought to me every day for 3 months.  Could I have done it on my own?  Yes.  Did it help knowing I didn’t have to figure out dinner every day?  You bet.

Keep your life as routine as you possibly can.  I was lucky enough to have some life insurance, so we were able to keep the house and I was able to continue staying home with the kids.  They only missed a couple of days of school, and then they started back in their routine.  It wasn’t long before we were signing up for sports and other activities.  It helped all of us to get back to our life.

Get some counseling for you and the children.  Our city has a wonderful (and free) grief support group geared toward the children.  It helped them see they weren’t alone, and to begin expressing their feelings about their loss.  It was also incredibly helpful for me to have time with others who were going through the same thing as me.

Establish traditions to remember your loved one.  On JB’s birthday, the kids and I write a message to him on balloons and them release them to heaven.  We go to his favorite restaurant on the anniversary of his death and raise a toast to his life.  It seems to help all of us on these otherwise tough days.

Do what you can to take care of yourself.  Get plenty of rest, go for a walk, take up your friend’s offer to go out to lunch, get your hair done.  For me, this was never the life I had imagined for myself or my kids, but I’ve tried to make our lives as normal as possible.  Eventually, you’ll establish a new “normal”.  It’s not the same, but it’s good.

Always with love, inspiration & hope

JoAnne Funch

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Share/Bookmark]]> http://heartachetohealing.com/blog/how-did-you-cope-the-first-year-of-grief.htm/feed 0 Coping With Significant Dates http://heartachetohealing.com/blog/coping-with-significant-dates.htm http://heartachetohealing.com/blog/coping-with-significant-dates.htm#comments Fri, 11 Dec 2009 19:52:23 +0000 JoAnne http://heartachetohealing.com/blog/?p=888 Following the death of your loved one you will face the significant days that will make you remember  your loved one who is now gone.  On those days your emotions may be more fragile as you reflect on a life that is gone by.

Today would have been my husband Allan’s 60th birthday and I have been thinking about him all day today and remembering how much he enjoyed parties.  Yes, that’s what came to mind for me this morning. On his 50th birthday I had a fabulous party, attended by his closest friends, family & business associates – he loved every moment of it.

From time to time I watch the video just to remember the good times we had together.

I don’t cry over these significant dates as much as in previous years but I never will  forget them either.  I have a place in my heart for the significant days that hold meaning for me, and I treasure the memories.  Sometimes I remember by doing something special such making a donation in Allan’s  name to his favorite charity on the anniversary of his death and I do other things that had meaning to us.  I encourage you to do the same as you reach these significant dates of remembrance.  The most important thing you can do is CELEBRATE the life of the person you loved, make it a day of fabulous memories and not another day of mourning.  This is part of the healing process, so give yourself permission to celebrate the life.  I plan to do just that today!

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Allan celebrating a birthday

In celebration of Allan’s life I want to give you a gift – you can download for FREE my ebook called “Tips To Survive Anniversaries of A Death”

This book offers tips on ways you can remember your loved one and how to cope with those significant days. 

CLICK HERE:   Tips To Survive Anniversaries

Keep your loved ones momentos handy in a beautiful rosewood memorabilia box. Click here to access our products page.


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