What Do You Fear From Loss?

Grief Is More Difficult Than You Think on Mon, 9th Jun 2008 2:39 pm 

[...] hardest time to have to learn about grief and when you’re in the middle of it. This is when we are taking a crash course in learning how [...]

Pam King on Tue, 10th Jun 2008 7:12 pm 



As I told you before now nine months out the lonliness has set in. It’s been better in the last two weeks and I’m not crying every night I drive home from work but I try not to allow myself to think about it.

I still have the last clothes he wore the day before he died hanging in our closet and his sneakers he wore taking my beloved Scottie for a walk in the front closet. I still have the pillow case on the last day he was alive in my closet in our bedroom. I can’t let them go. I can’t touch these things because I’ll fall apart.

Where am I now in the process? I have met a man that I like to spend time with, is this too soon? What will my two younger children think? I have so many things floating around in my brain. Do we resolve one step before we go on to another? Am I functioning from a desparate stand point?

Can anyone address these questions? I welcome comments from your subscribers.

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Joan Quaas on Wed, 11th Jun 2008 11:41 am 



I would like to comment only to the extent of support, not instruction—-When we lose a loved one, they are always in our lifes because of the memories- that is a good thing- we were blessed with the special-ness of this person-
To have another special person in our lifes is not a bad thing or a replacement of the person we lost – its another special person to be blessed with (another gift) -

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Grieving A Spouse on Fri, 20th Jun 2008 9:41 am 

[...] Grieving a spouse creates a different complexity to your grief, because of the intimate connection as husband and wife – you feel like apart of you like a limb has been ripped off. Things you shared with the one person who knew you better than anyone is now gone…whom do you now confide? Who understands me? And who will tell me everything is going to be OK? I’ve worked through these questions and many more, but I admit I shed a few tears today anyway because I miss the man who loved me so. Social Bookmarking [...]

Rachelle on Fri, 27th Feb 2009 5:51 am 



My father passed away five years ago – a year after he died my mother met her now companion of four years. Having a companion my mother was able to go and do all the things she wanted to but wouldn’t have had she been alone. My brothers and I were quite upset at first because mom and dad had been together 45 years and thought to ourselves – how can mom do this to dad? How is she able to date another man and not think about dad? We soon came to realize that had it not been for her companion our mom would have curled up into a ball of lonely and depressed. Having someone to “hang out” with, go to dinner, a movie, play cards, or just sit and talk can make all the difference in the world to those who have recently lost a loved one with whom they had been with for forty or more years. It has given our family an opportunity to see another side of mom. My concern is that now her companion has passed away, she is having a very rough time getting through the grievance process and we are worried she won’t get through. What can we do to help her? Open to all suggestions!! HELP

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admin Reply:
February 27th, 2009 at 9:48 am

Rachelle,
You have to understand now your Mom has faced two deaths in a relatively short period of time. Now that her companion has passed it brings up the loss of your father as well. I bet she feels angry, angry that not only your father passed and left her alone, but now her companion has done the same. My father lost my mother after 51 years of marriage a month before my husband died and I know how sad and alone I felt after being with my spouse for eleven years, I couldn’t imagine how my father felt and what he was going through. So what I’m saying is be there for her as much as you can, assure her she is not alone and that you will be there. Be sure you spend time with her, take her out to eat, to shop or anything. If she is social, get her back into doing the things she used to do. All of these things won’t take away her pain of grief, but often being around people that care about her will encourage her to have hope and go on.
if she persists to be alone at home, doesn’t want to see people and appears to you to be depressed, I would also seek medical and grief therapy for her.
Many church’s and hospitals offer grief therapy groups providing grief support for anyone in the community. If you cannot locate one, let me know the name of her town and I will see if I can find one for her.
Don’t give up on her Rachelle.
JoAnne

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