Sadness as a Part of the Journey to Healing
Sadness can be the most hurtful feeling on your journey through grief. But sadness is natural, and an authentic emotion following the death of a loved one. Allowing yourself to feel the sadness is in large part what your journey toward healing is all about according to Dr Alan Wolfelt. 
Grief & Loss – Finding the Road
May 21, 2011 by JoAnne
Filed under HOPE and INSPIRATION
By Nicolle Cantiero
I’ll never forget feeling like my life was over; I had no foundation and nothing to look forward to. Everything seemed to be falling apart. My health, my marriage, my family, and my job all seemed to be deteriorating. Continue reading “Grief & Loss – Finding the Road” »
Attainable and Measurable Goals Are Part of the Grief Journey
February 26, 2010 by JoAnne
Filed under HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH GRIEF
you because the idea of setting goals for yourself in the grief
process may seem a little out of your realm of comprehension, and
yet I hope you will see some value for yourself by the end of the
article.
this lesson from experience. After my daughter and father-in-law
died on the same February weekend I started thinking about goals.
Thinking was hard because I was overcome with grief and stress.
The loss of a child, no matter what their age, is devastating and
my first goal was to make it to the next hour. Then I vowed to make
it through the morning, through an afternoon, and through an entire
day. I worked on these goals and was making progress when my
brother had a heart attack and died. Three loved ones were gone
forever.
In November of the same year my former son-in-law died suddenly, a
tragedy that made my twin grandchildren orphans. Instantly, my
goals shifted from me to my grandchildren — my top priority. The
Cancer Net website discusses priorities and goals in its article,
“Coping with Change After a Loss.” Death changes your life and,
according to the article, “It may also be necessary to change
priorities for practical reasons.”
My twin grandchildren were 15 1/2 when they moved in with my
husband and me. At first my goals for them were basic: cook healthy
meals, get them settled, and research counseling options. As the
months passed these goals grew to include supporting school
activities, helping with homework (when asked), and having fun
together as a family.
Angela Morrow, RN, writes about goal setting in her article,
“Letting Go of Grief: Entering a New Season in Life.” Morrow thinks
mourners should set one goal for the coming year, another goal for
the second year after loss, and a third goal for the fifth year
after loss. “Having goals to work towards will keep you moving on
your new journey,” she writes.
Raising teenagers at this stage of life was a challenge and my
goals should meet this challenge. I read Internet articles about
setting goals and one, on the Top Achievement website, “Creating
S.M.A.R.T. Goals,” by Gene Donohue, was really helpful. The word
“smart” stands for specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and
timely. “When you identify goals that are most important to you,”
Dononue notes, “you begin to figure out ways you can make them come
true.”
I applied the S.M.A.R.T. approach to grief recovery goals. My first
goal was go get the twins safely and lovingly to their 18th
birthdays. We reached this goal last week. Goal two would be
getting them through high school. College graduation would come
next, and if the twins wanted it, graduate school. Diplomas would
be the measurable outcomes of these goals.
These are attainable goals and, most important, will prepare my
grandchildren for life. I will have to take good care of myself and
follow my doctor’s orders to reach these goals. This goal setting
has been a surprising chapter in my grief journey. You may have
surprises, too, as your journey evolves. Enjoy them.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Harriet_Hodgson
http://EzineArticles.com/?Surprising,-Attainable-and-Measurable-Goals-Are-Part-of-the-Grief-Journey&id=3798510
“How To Write the Right Words to Comfort” – By JoAnne Funch40 Ways to Write Words of Comfort to Anyone Going Through Life’s Most Difficult Situations
Where is God in Grief?
February 19, 2010 by JoAnne
Filed under SPIRITUAL HEALING
Crisis of most any kind brings our spirituality to the forefront of our world. The death and loss of a loved one is a traumatic time and one during which we often turn to our spirituality for support. Witnessing or experiencing the passing of one we love, is a harsh reminder of our own mortality and can easily induce questions about our own life worth. Our spiritual beliefs provide a meaning, if you will, to the dying process and death itself. It is through these beliefs that comfort is often found.
The term “spirituality,” does not necessarily refer to the religion with which you identify. Though certainly spirituality and religion are often viewed as one and the same, they are just as often seen as complete opposites. There is a broader meaning. Spirituality for many consist of relationships, meanings that are given to life and death, and our passion, commitments, and connections. For some, religion is where they go to church or temple, whereas spirituality is found in nature, meditation, or a personal relationship with a named or unnamed higher power. It not necessarily a creed-it is a way of being.
Understanding how we make sense of life helps us tremendously in how we make sense of death. There is a connection between the places in which we have found meaning in our world and what we perceive to be the meaning of the end of life as we know it. Those places and situations can change throughout our lives, as well. What you knew and believed as a child may not be what you adhere to now. It is helpful to look at how you have progressed and changed on your own spiritual journey.
The death of a loved one suddenly reminds us of our own mortality. It is a time at which we seem to automatically consider what really happens after death. We find ourselves thinking about what really does happen when the body ceases to function. Our spiritual understanding is the only resource we have at this time, as we often have no personal experience to help us. Unless you are among those who have had a near-death experience yourself, knowing whether there is an after-life and what it is like is based solely on what our religious background and current belief system have suggested.
Often it is our spiritual beliefs that decrease our anxiety and fears about death. Embracing your beliefs and spirituality can ease your worries.
Pray is an important piece of this process. If we think in terms of our thoughts being prayers to the Universe, we are always praying! There is, of course, absolutely nothing wrong with folding our hands, kneeling down, and asking the God of our beings to assist us and others. Prayer in this manner is perhaps more beneficial for us. What we are doing when we pray for help, is turning our problems over to the Divine. There comes a time when we are so overwhelmed that turning it over to God is precisely what we need to do. Experiencing grief is one of those times.
As part of the healing process, having a place to take the feelings and share them helps us to not always have to hold onto them, especially when they become too overpowering. The act of “giving it over to God” can be a powerful release for many. In some religions there are specific prayers for the dead. In Jewish tradition, for instance, the Kaddish, also known as the “The Mourners’ Kaddish,” is said as part of the mourning rituals in services, as well as at funerals and memorials. In other traditions, the 23rd Psalm is often recited, or a rosary is said. Some feel that prayer is one of the greatest acts of charity that can be given for the departed. It certainly has the ability to relieve anxiety and even depression.
Grief is a difficult process. By turning to God of our being our Spiritual understanding we are able to seek guidance on the road to healing.
Christine is the author of “This is not Goodbye: A holistic guide to helping children” And “Warming the Stone Children.” She is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Ordained Minister. Her work can be seen at her site: http://www.christinesandor.com.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Christine_Sandor
http://EzineArticles.com/?Where-is-God-in-Our-Grief?&id=3644849
How Will The Haitians Grieve Their Loved Ones
January 23, 2010 by JoAnne
Filed under death, HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH GRIEF
The grief in Haiti is unimaginable; we have all seen the visual images of the death and destruction. CNN has reported that a government official said the death toll from the January 12th 7.0-magnitude earthquake may exceed between 100,000-200,000. The exact number is unknown and may remain unknown.
About 3 million people — one-third of Haiti’s population — were affected by the quake, the Red Cross said.
In addition to the physical suffering, there is the grief. Grief is the normal and natural emotional response to loss. I learned through some research* that the majority of the people are Catholics or Protestants, whose practice is to provide last rites to the dead and a proper burial. The main Cathedral in Port Au Prince has crumbled; there will be no prayer vigils and no funeral masses for the dead.
Continue reading “How Will The Haitians Grieve Their Loved Ones” »
Explore Simple Questions for the New Year
December 30, 2009 by JoAnne
Filed under HOPE and INSPIRATION
I wish you hope
This week, we welcome a New Year into our lives. This is a good time for us to see what is to be released, what is to be kept and improved, and what is to be brought in. How can we heal our grief? Take time to ask and explore these simple questions:
Continue reading “Explore Simple Questions for the New Year” »
How Long Should You Tell Your Grief Story?
December 22, 2009 by JoAnne
Filed under HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH GRIEF
By Harriet Hodgson
Last week my husband and I went to a holiday party. We enjoyed the food, piano music, and visiting with friends. As we prepared to leave, a friend asked what I was doing these days. When I told her we were raising our twin grandchildren because their parents had died in separate car crashes, her jaw dropped.
“That’s unbelievable,” she said.
Another person overheard our conversation and was obviously uncomfortable with my honesty. This is not the first time this has happened. Years ago I had a similar experience. I answered a question honestly and a guest commented, “Please don’t spoil the party.” She was partially right. There is a time and place to tell your story, but sometimes you tell it because you are surprised or caught off guard.
You have a story to tell. But Vamik D. Vokan, MD and Elizabeth Zintl, in their book “Life After Loss,” say the American culture prohibits the expression of grief. “We are a culture of death deniers,” they write. Death deniers, which may include family members and friends, do not want any connection with your pain. Yet you must tell your story in order to cope, do your grief work, and create a new life.
Grief changes you forever. Not telling your story is to deny your identity and life experience. Though you are temporarily lost in the darkness, telling your story helps you find your way through grief. At least, that is my experience after losing four loved ones in nine months. If you are like me, you may have wondered how long you should tell your story.
Tell your story until you can do it without sobbing. In other words, you are starting to accept loss. Judith Viorst writes about this in her book, “Necessary Losses.” Some mourn quietly, she explains, while others mourn vocally. We experience terror, tears, and terrible emotions. “In our own different ways, having managed someow to work our way thorugh our confrontations and unacceptable losses, we can begin to come to the end of mourning.”
Tell your story until you can idenfity feelings. Repeating your story will help you identify confusion, anger, frustration, and stress. You may also recognize feelings of aloneness and abandonment. I didn’t realize how worried I was about money until I wrote an article about tracking down my deceased daughter’s assets. Getting feelings out in the open helps you cope with them.
Tell your story until it gets shorter. Your story will change over time. Though it still includes the basics — cause of death, memorial service, secondary losses, and other facts — you start to condense your story. Surprising as it seems now, the time will come when you can summarize your story in a few sentences. This is a sign of reconciliation.
Tell your story until you start to see progress. Humor may start to creep back into your story. The results of your grief work become apparent. You may use more positive words. Repeating your story will help you reinvent yourself. Today, I give talks about grief to help others. How long should you tell your story? As long as you need to, and then hold it close to your heart.
Copyright 2009 by Harriet Hodgson http://www.harriethodgson.com
Harriet Hodgson has been an independent journalists for decades. She is a member of the American Society of Journalists and Authors, Association of Health Care Journalists, and Association for Death Education and Counseling. Her 24th book, “Smiling Through Your Tears: Anticipating Grief,” written with Lois Krahn, MD, is available from Amazon.
Centering Corporation has published her 26th book, “Writing to Recover: The Journey from Loss and Grief to a New Life” and a companion journal with 100 writing prompts. Please visit Harriet’s website and learn more about this busy author and grandmother.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?How-Long-Should-You-Tell-Your-Grief-Story?&id=3460063] How Long Should You Tell Your Grief Story?
How did you cope the first year of grief?
December 16, 2009 by JoAnne
Filed under HOPE and INSPIRATION
I recently sent out an email letting you know that you can help others who will be grieving a loss of their loved one by sharing your tips for surviving the first year of grief in a new book called “Grief’s First Year.”
The first year of grief seems to be the toughest to get through according to all of you who I hear from on the Heartache To Healing site. We can help those new to grief by sharing what we learned to survive the first year.
Submit your short story of tips that you think will benefit someone else who might experience a similar loss to yours.
When you submit your story, include your name, name of the deceased you might be referring to in your story and your relationship to that person. Be sure to include your contact information so I can get in touch with you. Please send your tips to me by January 30th.
EMAIL ME: joanne@heartachetohealing.com
If you are unsure of what to write, let me share a recent submission;
My name is Anne, and my husband, JB, died suddenly of a stroke at the age of 43 in August 2003. We have 4 children, who at the time, ranged in age from 3 to 10. I had always thought that if something ever happened to JB, I too, would die. But somehow, every morning I woke up and found myself still breathing. And with 4 kids who really needed me I was able to get up, make their breakfast, and get them off to school. I was going through the motions, but that’s o.k. That’s how it starts.
It definitely wasn’t easy. But I discovered a lot of things. One, let people help you – now’s not the time to do it all yourself or be too prideful to accept help. Friends and family can’t bring your loved one back, but they can make your life a little easier. LET THEM! It helps them as much as it helps you. Even if it’s something you can do yourself, accept their offer graciously. I had meals brought to me every day for 3 months. Could I have done it on my own? Yes. Did it help knowing I didn’t have to figure out dinner every day? You bet.
Keep your life as routine as you possibly can. I was lucky enough to have some life insurance, so we were able to keep the house and I was able to continue staying home with the kids. They only missed a couple of days of school, and then they started back in their routine. It wasn’t long before we were signing up for sports and other activities. It helped all of us to get back to our life.
Get some counseling for you and the children. Our city has a wonderful (and free) grief support group geared toward the children. It helped them see they weren’t alone, and to begin expressing their feelings about their loss. It was also incredibly helpful for me to have time with others who were going through the same thing as me.
Establish traditions to remember your loved one. On JB’s birthday, the kids and I write a message to him on balloons and them release them to heaven. We go to his favorite restaurant on the anniversary of his death and raise a toast to his life. It seems to help all of us on these otherwise tough days.
Do what you can to take care of yourself. Get plenty of rest, go for a walk, take up your friend’s offer to go out to lunch, get your hair done. For me, this was never the life I had imagined for myself or my kids, but I’ve tried to make our lives as normal as possible. Eventually, you’ll establish a new “normal”. It’s not the same, but it’s good.
Always with love, inspiration & hope
JoAnne Funch
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Let’s Hang To What We’ve Got
December 9, 2009 by JoAnne
Filed under HOPE and INSPIRATION
Today I heard this old song on the radio by Frankie Valli -”Let’s Hang On”
Let’s hang on to what we’ve got
Don’t let go girl we’ve got a lot
Got a lot of love between us
Hang on hang on hang on
To what we’ve got
and the song reminded me that despite our losses and grief, we need to remember to hold on to the love and people we do have in our lives. It’s easy to fall into the self-pity trap, I know this trap very well, been there a few times!
During the holiday season and other dates of significance we tend to fall into that trap and I’m just suggesting you too remember to hold on to what you’ve got – children, a loving spouse, parents and loyal friendships. These are the people who continue to sustain us through life’s difficult times and are there to celebrate life’s joyous times.
So…Let’s Hang On To What We Got
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How Will You Cope With Grief This Holiday Season?
December 4, 2009 by JoAnne
Filed under HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH GRIEF
We’re into the holiday season, we see all the ads on TV for all the latest and greatest products and sales, and the social activities are being planned. If you are grieving the death of a loved one, you might not be feeling very festive and jolly, in fact you might be more like Scrooge – ho hum bug, wondering how will you cope? Continue reading “How Will You Cope With Grief This Holiday Season?” »
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