Grief Rituals, Creating Them Will Help You Heal
January 26, 2010 by JoAnne
Filed under HOPE and INSPIRATION
For all of you who listened to my teleseminar last week, you know we discussed rituals and why they are important in the healing process. As a follow-up to that, I want to share the article below which gives some great examples of rituals and how they might apply to you.
Each society has its own rituals. These rituals connect us with support groups. Personal rituals also help you to heal. In fact, they may be more meaningful because you created them. What is a ritual? The dictionary defines it as “an established or prescribed procedure for a religious or other rite.” Another definition is “any practice or pattern of behavior repeated in a prescribed manner reminiscent of ritual.”
I am not a ritual kind of person. After four loved ones died in 2007, however, I created a few simple rituals to honor them. Each morning, when I awaken, I make a pledge to my daughter. This pledge, “I will not fail you Helen,” is for her children — the grandchildren I am raising. When I say the pledge tears come to my eyes.
We need rituals in order to heal. Rev. William Purdy, DD, Vice President or Provider Relations Continuum Hospice Care in New York City, makes this point in his article, “Giving Grief Ritual.” Despite the tragedy of September 11th, “for a significant number of people whose loved ones died unexpected deaths, ritual grieving remains unexplored,” he writes.
Continue reading “Grief Rituals, Creating Them Will Help You Heal” »
Grief, Healing & Resilience Spoken At Women’s Conference
October 29, 2009 by JoAnne
Filed under death, HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH GRIEF
The annual California Women’s Conference broke some barriers this week by having a panel discussion about grief and the resilience it takes to walk through and heal. Continue reading “Grief, Healing & Resilience Spoken At Women’s Conference” »
Can Writing Be Healing?
August 19, 2009 by JoAnne
Filed under grieving process, HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH GRIEF
If you are reading this you are no doubt on your journey through the grieving process. I want to suggest no matter where you are on that journey, remembering there is no right or wrong way to grieve nor is there a time limit that writing can be healing.
Well you might say, “I’m not a writer” – but I challenge you to just jot your thoughts in a journal or a spiral notebook or what ever works for you. Writing is a process just as grief is a process and remember no one has to read your thoughts if you want to keep them private, but in the act of doing sometimes we learn alot about ourselves, how we view our life, our loves, our challenges and our future.
I write in my journal often, I don’t plan what to write, I simply write about my day before I go to bed. I find that if I let the pen lead I tend to write from my heart and not my head. When I’m thinking too hard about what to write it is more contrived then when I even write words that express the day.
I wrote many things just after my husband died, I wrote about the week he was in the hospital and after he died I wrote about being mad that he left me and how that made me feel. I wrote about my struggles and pondered what I would do next. It made me slow down and sort through my mixed feelings.
If you read the August newsletter I sent out, I asked for writing submissions from anyone who wanted to share a story relating to their grief process. I challenge you to share because often times you can help someone else who might be experiencing what you are going through.
The story I choose for September will receive an autographed copy of the book “The Shack” & as a bonus a writing journal.
Email your submission to: joanne@heartachetohealing.com
Include (optional) your name, small photo and email address if you want the readers to be able to contact you. You can also say “Anonymous” and I will leave off your name.
Please include you mailing address with your submission. Send by August 31st if possible for consideration for September.
The Shack – A Story of Heartache To Healing
April 6, 2009 by JoAnne
Filed under grieving process, healing, healing a broken heart
If you haven’t read the book, “The Shack”, I highly recommend it to everyone. It is a loving story of a man’s journey through grief, faith and forgiveness. He finds strength to face his great sadness and come to a new understanding about life, love and beyond. I don’t want to say more for those who haven’t read it yet, but it is a real page turner.
Today I had the honor of meeting the author, William Paul Young at a book signing event and later that evening to hear him speak. His personal story is incredible in that he started out to write a short story for his kids… Mr. Young refers to his story as a “God thing” and what a story it is.
I believe Paul Young will help many with this story of heartache to healing. He is an inspiration at a time when people want hope and to believe again.
Paul Young & Me
Signing Book
Permission To Heal, Recover & Find Joy Again
March 16, 2009 by JoAnne
Filed under Find Joy, PERMISSION TO HEAL
You are responsible for how you feel and making the choice to find joy again.
Yes, we must accept the responsibility for our own happiness. It’s taking the first step that is often the most difficult to say and to actually do. So many people feel guilt over having fun again, laughing and socializing. For some reason we don’t feel worthy of a life of joy if our loved one who died can be here.
How do you take the first step?
Often times with the help of a grief support group you get strength from the other members of the group who are all experiencing what you are! There is something to be gained from the support of a group and if you haven’t considered this option, it might be worth seeking out a group in your area.
If the group support isn’t your thing but you need professional support you should consider private counseling with someone who specializes in family & grief support. In addition there are many life coaches who are trained in life transition who provide guidance and hold you accountable to moving forward. This option works well with business people because they relate to this type of experience.
Find a buddy to help move you forward. This could be a family member who is grieving the same death as you are, or it can be a friend who understands due to their own life experiences. Many people can be a supportive buddy and it doesn’t specifically have to be someone who has experienced death. Someone who has lost a job can be a good person because they would understand loss. Another good buddy would be someone who is positive, and fun to be around, this person is enthusiastic and optimistic.
Tell your buddy that you are looking for positive support and that you want to heal and find joy again. For me I clarified that I want to talk about my husband, because that was comforting, but at the same time I wanted to make steps to move ahead with my life. So be clear with your buddy what you want and also how you want their support.
Maybe you’ve decided to go it alone, that’s OK. Many people have a God given strength and are able to “play the cards they’re dealt” (my Dad uses that term). If you are a loner so to speak, I admire your strength and ability to persevere. I just caution you not to let all your emotions for the person who died stay bottled up inside if in fact you really want to cry or express your feelings in another way. I also caution you not to be isolated as an escape from dealing more openly with your grief.
(by the way, my Dad has handled my Mother’s Death with grace, dignity and has the strength to keep living his life-without any help. I think he’s doing pretty good!)
I will talk more about the steps to joy in future posts.
The Shack-Story of Heartache To Healing
February 7, 2009 by JoAnne
Filed under grief, healing, Hope, HOPE and INSPIRATION, Inspiration
If you haven’t read the book, “The Shack”, I highly recommend it to everyone. It is a loving story of a man’s journey through grief, faith and forgiveness. I don’t want to say more for those who haven’t read it yet, but it is a real page turner.
Today I had the honor of meeting the author, William Paul Young at a book signing event and later that evening to hear him speak. I now am convinced even more than I have always been that many people through personal tragedy are lead to help others. Wm. Paul Young will help many with this story of heartache to healing.
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Putting Sorrow in Perspective is Healing
December 20, 2008 by admin
Filed under HOPE and INSPIRATION
I was thinking how healing it has been for me to do volunteer work because it puts my grief of loss in perspective. Particularly during the holiday season as I wrote about before, we regress back to the good times we had with someone who has died and in my case I miss my husband even more during this time because we I have such great memories of the Christmas’ we spent together.
So yesterday I volunteered at my favorite local charity providing work appropriate clothing to women getting back into the work place. Most of the women that are referred to us are low income or have come upon hard times and can’t afford to buy appropriate clothing for the job they acquired. I worked with a woman who got a pair of boots in addition to some other outfits but as she left she turned to me and said “You don’t know how much these boots mean to me, I knew I didn’t have the extra money to buy boots this month” as I bid her a Merry Christmas and watched her walk away in her new boots, I was comforted by knowing we had really helped someone in need today and it put my sadness in perspective.
Death has taught be about life and the hardest thing I have learned about love is loss. I bet you are experiencing similar feelings right now. But also know, that others can inspire hope in us and that is my wish for those suffering grief, I wish you inspiration to feel hopeful and be blessed by the joys of the season and those people in your life that you treasure most.
Here’s a touching video on hope and inspiration. Take a few moments to watch it.
with hope & inspiration, JoAnne
Why do we regress during the holidays?
Holiday time is all about regression, we think alot about the past, what was and those loved ones no longer here that we celebrated the holidays with, this is why holiday time can be so difficult.
Family will often stop you from grieving during this time because they don’t want you to be sad so they won’t bring up the loved one that died. So often times its easier to be with friends who will let you talk about the great times you had with your deceased loved one. Talking is a part of grieving and just know that especially during the holiday season you moods might wave up and down because you should feel a longing for the ones that are no longer with you. Just know you will get through this time of year and you will even laugh and find joy. You might even feel guilt for being happy instead of being grief ridden – many people experience this too. Just know you will get through the holiday season as long as you feel hope and love from those you surround yourself with.
Wishing each one of you much joy during this holiday season.
in love & hope, JoAnne
Write About Your Feelings
As you attempt to deal with your sadness, anger, and fear you may find it helpful to write about those feelings. Writing about your feelings helps to unload some of that pressure because it gives you a way to express your emotions. Grief is a journey and grieving is a process, writing is a tool that can help you on your journey to heal.
Some find it helpful to write letters to those they’ve lost, others write their feelings in a journal which is what I do and still others may write in blogs or grief forums such as this. Choose a tool that works for you, trust your intuition and write whatever your heart is feeling. You will change, your writing will change and you will write for yourself or be inspired to write for others as I do here.
If you feel inspired to share, please write your comments after any of the postings you read on this blog, sharing with others is a healing experience so let’s pass it on!
I always welcome your personal comments by emailing me at: joanne@heartachetohealing.com
Are You Open To Receive?
Today I was thinking about how being open to receive relates to those going through any type of transition, I usually talk about loss as it relates to death but today I am thinking of anyone going through transitions. Being open to receive means putting yourself – your mental state in a place to receive love again, to receive kindness from others, to be able to simply say thank you when some gives you something. The act of being open to receive will open you heart to healing.
My thought for today….yesterday is gone, tomorrow is yet to be. Go out an start a new day and be open to receive whatever comes your way. Start here by receiving the gift of a brighter more hopeful tomorrow from me.
enjoying the day at Hermosa Beach, CA
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