Do you need to heal from misdirected anger?

Anger. We all experience it, some more than others like those who are grieving a loss. That applies to loss from death, divorce or even a job loss.

Anger does not necessarily follow a logical path. Different people will focus their anger in different directions. For instance, you might be angry with people or at circumstances surrounding your loss, or you may be angry at the person you lost – that could even be an ex-spouse who you are angry at for the loss of a marriage.

In any case, is your anger misdirected to those you think are responsible for the loss or are you just angry. For me I will say in no uncertain terms that I was pissed off angry when my husband died and left me alone to sort out our life – but I will say with time the anger subsided and with time I actually softened and healed. I wasn’t really angry at him as much as I was sad for my loss.

So is your anger misdirected? Maybe…….but you will heal with time.

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Grief is not meant to be rushed

Sometimes people try to help by rushing you out of the grieving process back into the main stream of what your life was. People sometimes even say words like “You need to get back into life” but your life is forever changed by the transition of loss. The length of the grieving process is different for each person, and you know the grieving process needs to take place for healing to begin. This is not to say one should grieve forever and not move on with life, but grieve in your own way and while the healing takes place you will move on in your own pace. Life does go on and you will too in time.

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Meaning of Life

This week I got to thinking about a deeper meaning to my life, which I do from time to time and I remembered a quote by the late George Carlin “Just when I found out the meaning of life, they changed it.”

I know this sounds like a really heavy and profound subject, but  if you’ve experience death, it makes you think about life.  You reflect on lives and loves that are lost and your place in the world and usually that means a world that offers you more meaning, a purpose to exist and get up everyday to do what you do. Sometimes when you lose a child you question everything about life including your faith, when you lose a spouse you wonder how will I get through this life without my partner?  Yes, death has a way of making us question the meaning of our lives.

I believe we need to be flexible to the ebbs and flows of our life particularly after a loss. Our life will take many turns during this period and so being able to “go with the flow” of life will be less stressful and can often times bring more meaning if we allow ourselves to live in the moment.  As life changes, we also need to change.   Something to think about…

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Lessons From Loss are Lessons in Living Life

There are many lessons I have learned through loss, and I am coming to understand now that I probably knew these lessons all along, in other words they were within me, my core, who I am. However it took the tragedy of loss for me to remember those lessons and have the courage to take action and affirm how precious life is. I am not here to dwell on loss but rather support you in life.

Healing a broken heart can be done with time, courage and the desire to heal. Going through the grieving process and healing comes from within but we are not meant to walk the journey alone. Asking for the support of family and friends is necessary and perhaps spiritual healing from clergy or any spiritual advisor. From whomever gives you comfort, they too will help you to living life again.

Loss can bring clarity to your life and to the things that matter most, don’t ignore that. There is no going back for a do over, but there is another day to live a life of joy. Take each day as it comes, be grateful for where you are and what you have NOW, and be open to new possibilities. You can’t change the past, but you can direct the wind in your sails for the future.

For an inspirational read about the true value of living life, Please take the time to read - “The Last Lecture” by Randy Pausch

“We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.”
–Randy Pausch

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