No Need to Grieve Alone

JoAnne, Linda, Pam

JoAnne, Linda, Pam

Last week my friend Pam was faced with the two year anniversary of her husband Denny’s death and she didn’t want to do it alone. She had asked our mutual friend Linda and myself to accompany her to light a candle at church in his memory and to share a meal with her which we did to celebrate Denny’s life.

I was proud of Pam for asking for what she needed, and that was the support of friends who understood her loss, which both Linda and I did after losing our significant others and to not be alone.
Often grief can be isolating and we feel like we have to cry and grieve alone. If you are reading this and grieving loss you will understand when I say that after a relatively short period of public mourning most people think you should have gotten over it and moved on and can’t imagine why you would be grieving two years later. Those of us on this journey through grief know this is not true. Grief takes time and grief takes work, grief can be a roller coaster of emotions and no one knows this journey until they reach it themselves.

“One of the most important factors in healing from loss is having the support of other people, sharing your loss makes the burden of grief easier to carry. Wherever the support comes from, accept it and do not grieve alone.”

Pam, Linda and I became friends as a result of our losses. We have been able to support one another because our losses were all years apart and our stages of grief have been different. We are able to share, support and provide strength and hope for the future.

If you are unable to find your own support group whether it be a professional grief group or group of family or friends, here are some links that may offer help;
Widow Match
Grief Share

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8 Responses to No Need to Grieve Alone

  • JoAnne,
    Thank you for the response – I should have added my daughter has always lived with me to as she had had develpomental difficulties and always needed some type of support. She and I were moving out of their apartment with the girls when she died suddenly/unexpectedly from a seizure. Thank you though for your kind words.
    Shannon

  • Gail,
    I know the past 5 months since Steve passed are among the darkest for you, but you are moving forward through this journey and I know you will find happiness again one day. Thanks for participating here on this site and shraing your feelings so openly. Please feel free to email me anytime and continue to check my resources page for other helpful information and websites.
    with love, hope and inspiration, JoAnne

  • Pam,
    I have seen you go from hopeless when we first met, to hopeful optimism for the future. I’m happy that we have come to know one another, I am blessed to call you friend and for us to be able to share this bond of widowhood together in support of future of wonderful opportunities. You are stronger than you had ever imagined possible, this is your gift to others.
    with love, JoAnne

  • It has been almost 5 months since my husband Steve passed away suddenly, due to a Heart Attack. I agree you just go on with your days and are numb.And there are so many things to take care of, I don’t acually know how I will every get them finished. But you do go on and start to focus on the wonderful memories. I miss him every day
    I love the stories people share, It does help to know you are not alone
    Gail

  • Thank-you Jo Anne for posting your message. Having Linda and you accompany me on September 9th meant the world to me.

    I was having a harder time on the second anniversary of his death and I kept on asking myself,Why?”

    Linda brought a book along and it explained that in the first year you are numb for a while and then you have all these things you have to do like changing all your accounts in your name. How do you take care of the car, the house repairs?”

    The second year it become very apparent that your loved one is not coming back and now you face life alone. For me, my children are in their thirties and have lives. I have no intention on moving to where they live and they haven’t asked me to either. I have to find my way, make the hard deceisions and live with the results. At this point, it’s my friends I look to who have shared their grief with me and understand all that it means.

    I have been blessed to have such wonderful women around me. The universe will give you what you need if you open up your heart and ask.

    So now I am facing the third year. How will I feel next September 9th, 2010? I know I will honor him again but life goes on and I deserve joy in my life and I shall seek it. I’m not crawling inside that box and wither.

  • Shannon,
    I am so sorry for the losses you have experienced, sounds like the most recent was that of your daughter. I can’t imagine the heartbreak of losing a child and so can’t say I understand, I can only tell you I know what a broken heart feels like. Your life will never be the same, but I can it sounds like your daughter would have wanted you to be with her children, so I encourage you to keep that in mind. I bet those children bring you joy and that is something to be grateful for. I encourage you to have supportive people around you that are compassionate and willing to listen and support you. If this is not available to you, perhaps there is a grief group or counselor in your area that can be of help. We all need help, especially at the beginning, so reach out just like my friend Pam did and ask for what you need, because people do what to help but most often they don’t know how.
    Sending love, hope and inspiration your way.
    JoAnne Funch

  • Today is my birthday – I am having a hard time as my daughter was my best friend and companion – she was not my husband all though everyone always said we were together to much. It has been a little more than 5 months. My family doesn’t understand except for my dad – my oldest sister died at 20 unexpectedly – my daughter had just turned 27. The harder part of this is that she was in the process of a divorce from an abusive man – they had two children together and the girls lived with me until he found out I wanted guardianship of the girls. Life is just going from one visitation to the next. Then waiting for the next visitation for life to feel normal again for a few hours.

  • Thanks for sharing that Joanne!! Great pic of us together and a day I won’t forget.

    And…yes, so important to have others to help carry the load, share the burden, wipe the tears away and to help you laugh again as you recall the “good” times. Joanne, thank you for helping my journey of grief be less lonely!

    I encourage anyone who is on the pathway of grief to find a friend or two who can hold your hand when you feel alone, who can light the way when the path seems so dark and who can carry the load when you feel as if your spirit and your body will surely break under the stress. … Read More

    We are connected, all of us in many ways….it’s meant to be that way. On our own…our strength is limited but join two or three cords together and the rope is not easily broken and can withstand much stress and strain.

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