grieving a loss

Stages of Grief and Loss Change Over Time

By Mary Jane Hurley Brant, M.S., CGP , Author of When Every Day Matters (Simple Abundance Press)

How we feel about a person’s death changes over time.  I think it has everything to do with our relationship to that person and maybe even the age we are when we experience permanent loss.  I also think it has to do with accepting the mystery of death.  Sometimes the death of someone is so shattering in the beginning that we barely function.  Then, as time moves ahead, little-by-little, we begin to heal a little at a time depending on the intensity of the love we felt for the deceased.

Sometimes, however, our grief experience is in reverse and delayed as mine was in the case of my father who passed away I was thirteen years old.  Rarely talking about him it appeared on the outside that I was coping fine.  It wasn’t until my early 30’s in graduate school – while attending workshops to deal with unconscious elements – my long ago grief for my father was uncovered.  I discovered then how much pain and sorrow had been buried when he was layed to rest.  I learned then that just because my father was at peace didn’t mean I necessarily was.  I addressed then, consciously and seriously, my deep sadness and loss of him.  And, while a delayed grief process, the-better-late-than-never paradigm was applicable.

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Tips on Self-Care

Often when we are grieving a loss, we become so overcome in our sorrow that we neglect ourselves;

Please consider some of the following ideas;

1. Keep up on your normal appointments for hair care and nail care.  You may feel sad inside, but looking good does help go along way to helping you feel better.

2. If you can go one step beyond the hair and nail care, take time for a massage or reflexology. These are wonderful pampering services that help you relax and take a breath for an hour.

3. Go out for lunch and/or dinner.… Continue reading

When Life Happens – Hints For Surviving Traumatic Loss

Life happens to all of us, but have you noticed that some people come out of trials stronger, and some come out crushed? We can’t stop bad things from happening, but we do have some control over how we respond to them. I wasn’t much better at this than the next guy before my wife and son were murdered five years ago. But I have learned a few tricks.

In times of loss we need friends and family more than ever, to help us from feeling isolated and helpless. But the sad thing is, now people don’t know how to… Continue reading

Why Do Some People Heal Faster?

Did you ever why some people seem to walk the journey through grief and loss faster than you? Well, I say give that thought up because we all walk this journey in our own time. But the key is to fell the pain and keep moving forward with life. Oh, I know sometimes it feels like our life has stopped because of our loss, but remember in reality our life does not stop. We still have to forge forth into living life. I found that as I got back into a routine of work, household chores and even getting out… Continue reading

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