How To Become Bigger Than Our Pain

~Grief Guide on Becoming Bigger Than Our Pain~

• What you put out comes back all the time, no matter what. Dealing with your rage and grief and fear will give you life. Acknowledge the pain, and then let it go.

• You define your own life. Don’t let other people tell you how to grieve. It is ok to be sad; the tears have to come to wash away the deep, raw pain. It takes as long as it takes.

• The ugly details of the death have no power over the present. Only you give it power. You push the pain out with love memories every time it comes back.

• When people hurt you with their own fears and terror that it could be them, take a breath. Rise above the pain, and forgive their ignorance.

• Worrying is wasted time. Use the same energy for doing something about whatever worries you. Love the ones who are still here, and let them love you.

• What you believe has more power than what you dream or wish or hope for. You become what you believe. If you believe that you cannot move forward thru your grief without your loved one, you won’t. You will stay in the darkness until you BELIEVE you can go on.

• Change your thoughts from how much you miss your loved one to how thankful you are for having them in your life. Learn to celebrate their life, not mourn their death.

• The happiness you feel is in direct proportion to the love you give. When you withdraw into your pain, you cannot love the ones who love you.

• If you make a choice that goes against what everyone else thinks, the world will not fall apart. Trust your instincts. Intuition doesn’t lie. Be still and listen to your inner voice.

• Love yourself and then learn to extend that love to others in every encounter. It is so easy to hate yourself and the world you live in after the death of a loved one. Don’t let guilt rule your life. Realize that you are left behind for a purpose, and LIVE your life.

• Let passion drive your life path. Every day you wake up is a gift, live it to the fullest. You cannot go backwards to happier times, so move forward and make new memories.

• Love doesn’t hurt. It feels really good. Let the love you have enrich the love you had.

• Every day brings a chance to start over. If you were overcome with grief yesterday, that’s OK, today is a new day. Allow yourself to find peace when the going gets rough.

• Being a mother or father is a hard but rewarding job, not being one changes you forever. Learn to live with who you are. Become bigger than your pain.

•  When you don’t know what to do, be still. The answer will come.

• Know that this deep gut wrenching pain will pass, and peaceful acceptance will come.

Sandy Brosman

©Sandy Brosam 2010, Founder of  Grief Beach and the 2012 Retreat Aug 17-19 Grieving In Plain Sight