Just as our grief doesn’t follow a predictable course like a map, neither does life. In fact, it’s more like a compass because it points you in the general direction and then you figure out where to turn.
We can listen to all sorts of people who try to help us learn how to grieve. There are thousands of books on the subject! But we’re all as different as the leaves on a tree. Grief is a process, not an event!
If you think about the compass inside you, it is your inner wisdom or intuition that guides your way if you listen. I believe we all have that inner wisdom if we trust in it. Sometimes people ask me, “I don’t know what my intuition is JoAnne.” So I explain it as that little voice in your head that you guides you to a feeling, a place or an emotion. It’s those things you so often take for granted, that voice that knows what to say or do in a given situation.
Stop Second-Guessing Your Intuition
When you stop second-guessing everything that comes to you, something amazing happens…life stops happening to you and starts happening for you. When you trust yourself, even through grief you know what’s best for you in any given moment. If you decide that today you need to cry and have a pity party – then do that. If you decide to laugh and have fun for an evening instead of mourning alone at home because you think you shouldn’t have fun because someone has died – then do that anyway.
Judging is For Sporting Events
Life is imperfect so stop judging yourself! I say leave judging to sporting events, not your daily life’s decisions. We do the best we can each day with what we know. Stop judging yourself starting today! That means the judgment on where you should be in your grief journey, what other people think you should be doing, the questioning of your faith and the myriad of other things you ‘should’ feel or do. Stop shoulding youself!
Don’t Force Change
Your life is forever changed when we lose someone significant in our lives. Often the loss of a spouse or a child changes us in ways we never planned for. There is time to explore change, you may not see benefits now, just be open to change.
The key to living life is to be curious and open to change. Enduring the transitions of our life is the key to your new normal – your updated life.
We must let go of the life we planned so aas to accept the life that is waiting for us.
Joseph Campbell
Focus on What’s Controllable
Understanding what’s controllable in your life and what is not will help you to focus on what you can do – or what’s possible. Now is the time to stop focusing on what you can’t do because that will keep you locked in the past. Use your compass to show you the way, be open to asking for directions when necessary and stay the course. Life has a way of working out when we look for the best to come.