Permission To Heal, Recover & Find Joy Again

You are responsible for how you feel and making the choice to find joy again.

Yes, we must accept the responsibility for our own happiness.  It’s taking the first step that is often the most difficult to say and to actually do.  So many people feel guilt over having fun again, laughing and socializing.  For some reason we don’t feel worthy of a life of joy if our loved one who died can be here.

How do you take the first step?

Often times with the help of a grief support group you get strength from the other members of the group who are all experiencing what you are!  There is something to be gained from the support of a group and if you haven’t considered this option, it might be worth seeking out a group in your area.

If the group support isn’t your thing but you need professional support you should consider private counseling with someone who specializes in family & grief support.  In addition there are many life coaches who are trained in life transition who provide guidance and hold you accountable to moving forward.  This option works well with business people because they relate to this type of experience.

Find a buddy to help move you forward.  This could be a family member who is grieving the same death as you are, or it can be a friend who understands due to their own life experiences.  Many people can be a supportive buddy and it doesn’t specifically have to be someone who has experienced death.  Someone who has lost a job can be a good person because they would understand loss. Another good buddy would be someone who is positive, and fun to be around, this person is enthusiastic and optimistic.

Tell your buddy that you are looking for positive support and that you want to heal and find joy again.  For me I clarified that I want to talk about my husband, because that was comforting, but at the same time I wanted to make steps to move ahead with my life.  So be clear with your buddy what you want and also how you want their support.

Maybe you’ve decided to go it alone, that’s OK. Many people have a God given strength and are able to “play the cards they’re dealt” (my Dad uses that term).  If you are a loner so to speak, I admire your strength and ability to persevere. I just caution you not to let all your emotions for the person who died stay bottled up inside if in fact you really want to cry or express your feelings in another way.  I also caution you not to be isolated as an escape from dealing more openly with your grief.

(by the way, my Dad has handled my Mother’s Death with grace, dignity and has the strength to keep living his life-without any help.  I think he’s doing pretty good!)

I will talk more about the steps to joy in future posts.