As Time Goes By – Celebrate & Remember

Do you remember the song “As Time Goes By?”  it was made famous in the move “Casablanca” and hundreds of artists have performed it over the years.  Time going by is a fact of life and yet when you are grieving the loss of a loved one time can feel as it it stopped.

Just like you,  every year I cope with the anniversary of the death’s of my Mom and husband – I wonder why it always feels like yesterday.  We tend to conjure up all those feelings of what might have been, what we would be doing now and if only I could…(and I fill in the blank).

Perfect memory of Mom and Allan

It’s a time for reminiscing.  I dig out the old photo albums, read old letters, even write some poetry.  Why am I so inspired to put pen to paper each and every anniversary?  I’ve decided that it’s because I can spend special alone time to day dream, to shed a fear tears and yes to even write in my gratitude journal all the ways I was blessed to have these two important people in my life.

I find that each year uncovers something different about my grief journey and this year what arose was how mad I was for so long about being left and how my heart has been closed now for seven years so I would not feel the pain of being left behind.  Have you had this experience?

Well, I am facing this head on, learning to forgive myself and how to live with a more open heart  receiving new gifts of life.  I know now that I no longer wish to put all my energy conscious or unconscious around the fear of being left.  I have decided to let that go and be open to receive what ever is next for me.  You can only shelter your heart so long before you become more isolated and more alone than you had ever imagined.

Blessed by our time together

Yes, sometimes grief is just unexplainable, it ebbs and flows with time and as I so often share with others, there is no time limit on grief.  Sometimes years later feelings just come up that we have not dealt with before and I like to believe that it’s because we simply weren’t ready.

Death has taught me much about life –

This year I am releasing my fear and opening my heart to new possibilities.  I am celebrating the lives of those I loved with new found reverence. It is in those deep relationships that contributed to the person I am today.  I know for certain that my life will continue to be enriched by those I hold dear and those who are yet to make my acquaintance, and I am open to receive both.